Serenity Now!! Insanity Later . . .

resolute

2012-01-03T08:39:00.000-08:00

Just a few resolutions for the new year!

Stop updating my status, and "checking-in" and uploading pictures while I'm in the moment. Stop and experience life. Step away from the Internet!
Find a way to save approximately 300 dollars and spend it on a flight to see a friend or family member who lives far away.
I will always "check for paper" when entering the restroom.
Stop watching the Kardashians, all of them. It’s not helping anyone, least of all the Kardashians.
Spend less than $1825 for coffee at Starbucks this year.
Wear (and maybe buy) clothes that actually fit me.
Call someone on the phone at least once a week, and speak to him or her for at least ten minutes.
Spend less than or equal to the money I earn each month.
Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
Wait 30 seconds before I look up a fact I can’t remember on my phone, and try to remember it using my brain. This is what the olden days were like.
Remember to brush teeth with bristly end of toothbrush.
Try that food I think I don’t like but have never actually tried, except for brussel sprouts. They really don’t need any more attention.
Watch more movie remakes. (HA!)
Cut one person out of my life who you truly do not like and add one person who you truly do. Note: not on Facebook, on Earth.
Claim all my pets as dependents on my taxes.
I will keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars.
Tell someone who I love that you love them on a more regular basis. To their face, not in a text.
Back up my entire online life onto an external hard drive, especially my photos.
Go back to school to avoid paying my student loans.
Always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.

I suck at this...

2011-12-16T15:27:00.001-08:00

Yup! I've been missing. I had a grand time in Florida and kept planning on writing some amaze balls summary of events. HOWEVER life continues to be busy, TIS THE SEASON!!! (said with sarcasm through my gritting teeth).

So I'm not avoiding things any longer, so here's a quick rundown of the trip through pictures!!

Basically we drank. A lot. And drank some more. And took pictures of sunrises and sunsets. And yes, we brought our own umbrellas, so every drink was an umbrella drink ;)

random shit tuesday

2011-11-15T09:25:00.000-08:00

Hey ho its that's day of the week again!

--- --- ---

Two Days! Two Days! Two Days!!!

sunshine state!

So excited for Florida vacation! My cousin's 40th birthday, with her BF and Mr. Man and my mom! Everglades! Drinks with umbrellas! (yes, we've packed mini umbrellas, in case our drinks don't come with any, we will be prepared) and sunshine! It will be such a nice change from this:

grey. grey. grey.and 50 degrees. blah.

--- --- ---

If you haven't seen this, you MUST. Absolutely hilarious.

Drunk History Vol 6

--- --- ---

Annd.... I'm so addicted to Pinterest!!

Warning: Its like crack. Crafty crack.

But look at some of the awesome ideas I've found that I'm totally going to do!!

board game box!

wine rack from an old pallet

i mean COME ON! how cute is this?!

go.

just go.

check it out.

you must.

--- --- ---

Short and sweet, but there you go!

P.S. I hate those Kardashians. They need to go away.

a day in the life

2011-11-13T10:47:00.001-08:00

Stealing this idea from Megan at Perfect Compilation Tape...

"a day in the life" was an attempt to take a picture every hour for a day.

However, since I can't seem to remember to do this, compiled with the fact that when I'm at work, I don't have my phone on me to take pictures, I've made a medley of a few days.

Also, I was playing with a few new photo editing aps... Enjoy!

ahhh-- the joy of having bangs-- Good Morning Sunshine!

absolutely LOVING my french press! coffee is so much better now!

doing a little blogging and watching Golden Girls! (shout out Denise!)

view outside the dining room window

some light reading and latte in between lunch and dinner shifts

Go Beavers! @ Reser Stadium, Corvallis, OR vs. Stanford

doing daily weather checks, heading to FL Nov 17th!!

loves me some autumn

on the drive to work

after work beer! yes, I can charge it to my paycheck

a man and his cat

jackie, the sometimes trouble-maker cat of Mr. Man

tailgating!!

dessert case at work. yup, its very distracting

Mischeif having a little play time before bed

apparently there was bird massacre in my bathroom during the night

I don't wanna grow up, I'm a toys 'R us kid!

2011-11-08T17:19:00.000-08:00

Recently I've been pondering quite a bit about kids. Having them, not having them, hating them, wanting to punch them, cuddle them, kick them, or more accuratly, kick and punch their parents.
I realized that nearly all the women in my book club don't have kids, and are never having kids. Of course there are a few exceptions, but MOST of the professional, intelligent, married or single, smart, beautiful ladies are not having children.

I have always thought that I wanted kids. "Someday" is a day that I always thought would come. I have several friends who still focus on children, or their lack there of, incessantly sometimes. Now, being at the ripe old age of 33, I wonder, will I ever have kids?

I know that I'm clearly still young enough to have kids. But not for THAT much longer. Its weird to be thinking about the possibility of NEVER having them. I know I'd be a great parent, teach them to be independent, kind and responsible citizens, good additions to society at large. However, there are days that I myself still FEEL like a kid. I've always thought of myself as being very mature to realize that I'm still too immature to have kids. I like to sleep in, go on vacations that don't involve life-sized stuffed animals, try to avoid vomit and poop, getting drunk and staying out til all hours, spending all my money on myself, etc.

I've had a few short lived conversations with Mr. Man about this. I think men have it a little different then women, since they can ALWAYS father children, at any age. He says "someday" or "maybe" or "probably" he'd like kids, and often changes the subject. I don't really want to press the conversation, since I really don't know how I feel, and don't need him freaking out thinking I'm baby crazy (I mean we did JUST move in together!)

I also hate it when people who have children act as though they've done some service to the world. Or attempt (usually in vain) to make me feel guilty for sleeping in, spending hundred of dollars on something frivillous or being hungover.

One day I was complaining about getting up at 6:30 instead of 7:15, and a girl I worked with said, "oh must be NICE to sleep in until 6:30!!"

I laughed a said, "Hey, I've chosen not to have children up to this point at my life, so I'm allowed to sleep later. Don't make me feel guilty, because having kids was your choice"

That usually shuts them up. Sometimes if I'm extra annoyed, I'll say something about how birth control isn't rocket science, and how its not a "miracle" that I don't have children.

But all sarcasm aside, it all kind of scares me. Much like choosing my major in college, I feel this decision is so final. There's no refunds or exchanges once you reach a certain age. Sure, I could adopt, but that's not what I'm talking about here. I even know 3 women, a staggering number if you think about it, who have ALREADY had their tubes tied, under the age of 40, because they never want kids. As much as I admire their conviciton, I wonder if they'll ever regret their decision. I wonder if I'll regret mine. Luckily my family, and my mother in particular, never pushes myself or my brother on the subject. She came from an educated family, who knew the value of living your own life, and to take that responsibility seriously. She really just wants us to be happy, not to be a grandparent. I'll always love her for that. She also has instilled in me the fact that children are a gift, not a burden. (Many of my friends who had kids young, think of their children like this, though they'd never admit it). She still talks about how much fun she had with her kids. How she truly enjoyed them, and never, ever wished we weren't around.

My mother CHOSE to get pregnant at the age of 32. Yup, I was born when my mom was my age. Although she'd already been married twice (scandalous!), and at the time happily married. But I do feel like that time was different, a time when it was just a given that everyone was having children, and anyone who didn't was desperately trying. Whether this was the truth or not, I'll never know.

Anyway, this blog wasn't well edited, just kind of a slice of my brain today. I'd be happy to hear anyone's thoughts on the subject.

Does anyone else feel this way?
Have you made the decision to have kids?
Have you made the decision to NOT?

Cheers!

Current Beer: New Belgium, Snow Day Winter Ale
Current Song: "Even You, Brutus?" Red Hot Chili Peppers
(stolen from and a shout out to the boys at A Beer For the Shower)

'tis NOT the christmas season YET!

2011-11-03T09:04:00.000-07:00

OH jeez! I'm going to try to spare you my rant about how November 1st (let alone October 22nd) is

NOT THE BEGINNING OF THE CHRISTMAS SEASON!

*sigh*

I personally consider the week of Thanksgiving the "beginning of the Christmas season".

And no, I'm not going to admit that I already bought a 3,483 square foot roll of double sided wrapping paper at Costco...

No, its November so that means its, time to give Thanks! This year, being clever, or having stolen an idea from some magazine or blog, I'm going to write Thank You notes to people that I'm thankful for.

I figure a personalized note is much more genuine than the "What I'm Thankful For This Year" round table, listening to your family, while salivating over a pile of mashed potatoes and turkey.

I'm currently compiling a list of friends and family to whom I wish to write. I'm normally not very good at expressing emotions verbally, so I'm hoping I can get all kinds of heartfelt and sappy (see? sarcasm comes out YET AGAIN, dammit) in a note.

I thought this was a very cute idea, and am excited to get down writing a few.

Feel free to steal this idea! I love it. Kinda reminds me of the Golden Girls "Thank You For Being A Friend...."

Pumpkin Shrugged

2011-11-01T17:32:00.001-07:00

What to do with that 1600 page book from book club, that you had every intention of reading, then when everyone said how long it was taking them to read, you gave up on, while getting no further than page 12?

THIS!!

My new copy of Atlas Shrugged :)

Boo!

2011-10-31T08:25:00.001-07:00

Happy Day! Now if only I can find my copy of Hocus Pocus...

tips on tipping

2011-10-28T08:26:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

Of course after becoming a server I have a few gripes about how tipping should be done. Many will not agree with me, but I think my theory makes a lot of sense, so hear me out!

First off, please remind all your European and Asian friends of our tipping standards in the US. The general rule is at least 15%, but of course based on your service up to 18 for great, 20 for excellent and even 25% for mind blowing, or if they did something really out of their way for you. I myself have to tip out 5% to the house (dishwashers, cooks, bartenders, runners, and hosts) based on my sales. So if you tip me 10% you are actually giving ME 5% which kinda blows.

So here's my thoughts... And you can go one of two ways.

1. Based on "good" service levels, and if you are having standard dinner, drinks, entrees etc, tip 18%. with the tip out you are making sure your server gets a decent take home.

2. If you don't like #1, tip at least minimum wage. If you were there for 2 hours, give at least that, since you were a body, taking up their time. I know that sounds harsh, but nothing is worse than giving someone your attention for 2 hours and have them give you $8 for a $150 dinner. (sorry old folks) this rule also covers lingerers who are fine in my book, but you're taking up one of my tables who could be ordering and tipping more. So if you're chatting for 4 hours, it still makes it worth my time to check in on you and do your refills, if you tip minimum wage.

And finally #3 (and this applies for "just drinks" or the "we're here for dessert" crowd) Tip $1 for each time your server brings something to your table. So then even if the two of you only get dessert you still leave $3 even though your bill was $9. So many times people just round up to $10, which is frustrating cause I still took your order, plated and brought your dessert, checked on you, then brought your check, and brought you change. This may sound small but is quite time consuming, and if you have 6 other tables, it does take some talent and skill to do it all and still seem like YOUR TABLE is my most important table (that's what I personally strive for anyway).
*the minimum wage rule works here too

Well that's it! Thanks for reading and considering my theories. Remember servers are handling your FOOD so please treat them with some respect and dignity. We're people too, and just doing our job. We don't go into your office and treat you like shit, so have the same courtesy. :) Also, most servers are as educated as you, or even more so these days (everyone I work with us either in school, or has their degree) so don't give us your attitude or your arrogance like we're high school dropouts.

**I do know some servers SUCK BALLS so please remember to treat the good ones well, and treat the bad ones accordingly. And never punish your server because of outside influences they could not help. If the food is bad, the server didn't cook it. If your service is slow because they gave 15 tables and are visibly sweating, cut them some slack.

If they're standing around talking, messed up your order, or have a bad attitude, that's another story :)

Thanks!!

There's an app for that!

2011-10-19T08:30:00.000-07:00

Yes! I'm alive! Yet again!
I'll keep the apologies short, just I'm doing my best to be back. Honestly guilt kept me away. The longer I didn't post, the more I felt pressure for the post to be AWESOME, and then again, the longer I didn't post. You get the idea. Anywhoodle. Here's a quick update on whats been shakin (Its Random Shit Tuesday, without the logo!!)

I got an iPhone! WOO! I've now become one of those douche bags who says "There IS an app for that!" *smacks forehead with palm* I love it though, and I hope it helps me blog MORE! And guilt free!

Things at L'Restaurant are going great! I have FINALLY started serving and managing. WOO! Actually the managing happened first. Gotta be grateful for knee surgeries (the evening manager was out for 2 weeks, and I got to step in!) He's doing great now, but I've been trained and step in when my owner wants to head out of town, to their super not-so-top-secret Condo in Vegas. I keep encouraging them to leave. Is that wrong?

Mr Man has moved in!! Woahhhhhh, big grown up steps here, huh? Things are going great, and we're almost done unpacking. He has a LOT of shit. Who knew men had so much shit. Pack-rat might be the right term. Lots and lots of stuff. I had a mini panic attack when it was all sitting in my livingroom and I couldn't even see the tv. We're doing great though, well, all except for the cats. My boys and his lady kitty aren't having such an easy cohabitation. There's a lot of closing of doors, and rotating of who's out and who's in. Baby steps, right? Jackie essentially chases them out, being the boss lady that she is, and they just want to go back outside, because they're very emotional, and non-confrontational. *sigh*

I'm going to Florida! My cousin is turning 40 next month, and her BF's family has a place in Key West. I'm so excited for Thanksgiving in the Keys! I've been madly pouring through guide books and watching back episodes of Samantha Brown's great weekends. I'm such a dork! I'm madly trying to lose some weight, like 10 pounds, just so I don't look like a giant whale in my pics!! We'll be flying back ON Thanksgiving day since the plane tickets were about $300 cheaper that way. Hopefully we'll be hurricane free!!

Alright my lovies, I promise to see you soon! And thanks for sticking around! :)

I'm proud of you, Storm Trooper

2011-05-30T20:21:00.000-07:00

Holy crap balls, I'm alive!

I've been such a major suck on my blog of late, and yet I've been quite productive in the real worlds. I have even only been checking my facebook every 2 days or so *GASP!*

The job has been keeping me busy, and am trying to gather up some material for some tales from the work place. Mostly I'm still learning the ropes and learning the hierarchy of the restaurant biz. You know, some servers think they are so much better than we, the mere host staff, and even higher than the lowly bussers. Which I think is total bullshit. On a high note, my manager said this to me the other day, "We're working on getting you started serving, so just be patient. But I think you'd make a much better manager" To which I said, I would definitely be down with that. But anywhoodle.

My BFF came to visit me from Arizona for 2 1/2 weeks and I was literally sober for 2 whole days. TWO WHOLE DAYS in the last 17 days. I'm in a MAJOR detox right now. Well, today was actually the "hangover" period, in which I ate everything in the house for most of the day. I feel like I'm going to explode. I also napped for 4 hours. So tomorrow will begin the health cleanse. My liver will thank me for it.

Oh-- and we took pictures

the beach! still sober here..

"hurry up beer man"

"nipple"

let's just call this one "Oakshire Brewing Sample Night"

Ankle failure. Twice. Yes, we're drinking in a dugout. At 1 am.

"Portlandia"

Wenatchee


He wanted to call this one "Gaga" because 'Judas' came on for the millionth time. Oh yeah, and his shirt says "You discussed me" Bought at the Portland Saturday Market. Funniest shit ever. lonelydinosaur.com

The pitcher actually had "PBR Only" written on it.
Why? Cause it taints everything it touches.

Lots of ridiculousness occurred.

'Judas' was in our heads constantly for the first week. I loves me some Gaga, but sweet Jesus, you can only sing it so many times. That and Adele's Rolling in the Deep.

Somehow we ended up watching a Real Housewives of New York City and became strangely addicted. What a SHITSHOW! Oh that Ramona... I want to kill her. And her Pinot Grigio!!! But I digress...

I also nearly broke my ankle again. Remember when I wrenched it during the Rise Against concert? Well basically it happened again. TWICE.We had spent most of the evening out drinking (surprise, surprise). The sky was perfectly clear and my friend wanted to "go look at the moon". So we picked up a six-er of tall cans of Miller Lite and headed to the park. For some reason the ball park lights were all on, at 1 am. So I proceeded to prance around the bases while holding my beer. No failure there, and actually you'd think that would have been the most likely place for ankle failure. Oh no.

We're sitting in the duggout and realized we needed to TAKE PICTURES!! So I ran off to the car to get the camera. Wait, no I froliced off. Sort of a skipping-jogging-frolicking action. The duggout is dirt, then transitions to sand, which then transitions to the grass throughout the rest of the park. Well, once I hit the sand... BAM! I ate shit. I laughed and laughed and rolled around grabbing my ankle. Biffing it is pretty funny, especially when you're wasted. But I was fine, so I made it to the car, and then headed back.

LITERALLY... in the exact same spot I ate shit. AGAIN. AGAIN!!! What the crap!? This time my stuff went flying. Camera. Beer. Keys. Hat. All strewn about. Again I was laughing so hard, but this time the tears came with it. My friends came running over and were trying to help me up asking if I was alright. (this part is hazy for me, so I'm going off what my friends relayed to me afterward) I guess I yelled "NO TALKING!!" because I was laughing so hard and it hurt SO BAD. Then they tried to help me up and I yelled "NO TOUCHING!!" At this point I was on my knees, laughing and laughing and crying and laughing, trying to figure out if I'd broken my ankle and if I could walk on it. Meanwhile my friends stood there histerically laughing at me.

I hobbled back to the duggout and managed to figure out that I didn't actually break it. I'm sure I tore some stuff up in there something fierce though, because two weeks later it still hurts. It was swollen huge for a week, and its more or less back to normal size. But it still hurts, especially in the monring when its stiff, or when I step weird.

We also went to Portland, went to a gay bar and got capital "T" Trashed, went to Powell's the world's largest used book store, to the Saturday Market. Then do the beach, and this last weekend, up to Leavenworth Washington for some awesome rafting action. We nearly froze to death, but that's a story that's really not as funny when retold, however we were crying/laughing in the back of the pickup when it was pouring POURING down rain. I just kept saying "This is a memory of a lifetime!!" I'm such a dork.

So there ya go.

I'm really going to try to update more often, at least once a week. The guilt is killing me. And I miss my bloggy buddies! I'll also admit that I haven't read ANY blogs in as much as two months. But I'm spending my cough time today catching up. I may not comment on everything I love, but I'll try to send some love your way so you know I was actually there catching up!

Peace out my homies! Miss and love you!!

bad movies make doves cry

2011-05-03T23:01:00.000-07:00

Heydie Hydie Hodie! I know I'm MIA a LOT recently. And when I finally post, I'm putting my goodies on someone else's page! LAME! I've done a little movie review ditty for our Horrible Movie Blog Ring. Mine's currently residing over at Ginny is Sassy so go check it out! If you still love me *insert guilt here*

And now......... the lovliest of the lovely, my dear Shelly from Shelly Talks has an amazeballs review for you kiddos to enjoy!

Dearly beloved...Readers of McGriddle Pants. We are gathered here today to review this thing called "Purple Rain."

Did you like that intro? It's a play on the opening credits of Purple Rain (in case you haven't watched this movie). If I could describe this movie in one word it would be "montagetastic." I mean, there's a montage just about every ten minutes, and they are amazing! Best 80s montages one could ever hope for! But let's start at the beginning, shall we?

Purple Rain is the story of a struggling singer known as "The Kid" played by Prince. I'm not sure how old he is supposed to be, he looks about 30, but he lives with his parents. His Dad is abusive towards his mother, but in all honesty, she totally deserves the beating. She can't keep up on housework. What kind of woman is that? Well, one night after his performance, The Kid meets a girl named "Appollonia" played by (ironically enough) Appollonia Kotero. --Which brings me to my next comment, all of the characters, except Prince, have the same name in real life. It actually keeps things easier for me, because I'm one of those people who can't remember characters names anyway. Except I don't know any of these actors. Oh well...ANYWAY!

Appollonia and The Kid have a turbulent relationship, but they have a lot of sex that involves rubbing of crotches and Appollonia's boobs. Maybe he's just like his mother? She was never satisfied... Or maybe he's just like his father?! I DON'T KNOW! But I do know he slaps her, and not sexually. Then one night he sees her performing in lingerie (hey it's the 80's) and he thinks he's in love with her again. Only later to see she's drunk. He tells her not to drink, he doesn't like it. Slaps her again...and then they make sexies outside, right then and there.

In the end, Prince has his shining moment, and the montages of all montages. His whole life flashes before our eyes with his deep, meaningful music. And then he becomes a talented artist with lots of ruffly shirts and assless pants that we all know and love.

I hope this review encourages everyone to go and watch this movie. I give it two ruffle shirts and red thongs up. Please be sure to check out my blog Shelly Talks Too Much and read what The REAL Mandy Moore has to say.

just a thought

2011-05-02T20:36:00.000-07:00

"I will mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." - Martin Luther King Jr.

Just a little something to chew on.

persnickety

2011-04-26T21:39:00.000-07:00

I work at a fairly "hoity" restaurant that has a lot of food with French and Italian words in the description. Words like Ciabatta, Pugliese, Aperitifs, fromage, blah blah. Its great and all, but needless to say it attracts a certain demographic. Mostly these people are what we call "foodies" who have seen 2 or 3 shows on the Food Network and think they're as knowledgeable as Anthony Bordain.

So we serve homemade breads with olive oil with our meals. We serve a relatively good Extra Virgin Olive Oil with our breads for your culinary pleasure. BUT APPARENTLY we used to have a little bit higher quality olive oil with our breads, but have stopped serving it and only use it in our cooking, because it costs too much. (You'd be amazed how many people leave their bread and oil UNTOUCHED, shameful).

Fast forward to today, when these two women come in. They begin by asking me (the hostess) 324 questions about the menu, which they could totally get from their SERVER but chose to ask me. Oh, they also had a specific booth they wanted to sit in. And the mom left her sunglasses on the ENTIRE TIME. But I digress...

I bring them out some bread and olive oil and they proceed to tell me that they have a "special olive oil" in the office. You can imagine my surprise, since we keep NO FOOD PRODUCTS in the office. I walk upstairs and the owners wife is there, and I ask what the shiz they are talking about. There is no "special olive oil" for "them" its just the cooking stuff.

I then bring out their somewhat higher quality oil out and they proclaim "SUCH A DIFFERENCE!!!". I asked if I should take the "cheap" stuff away, and they said "OH, GOD YES!"

I walk back to the kitchen and try both of the olive oils. And I'm a bit of a foodie myself, and have quite high standards for olive oil and bread... and you know what? Can't. Tell. The. Difference.

Douche Bags.

Current Beer: Trader Joe's, Name Tag Classic Lager
Current Song old skool: The Humpty Dance, By Digital Underground
(ba-do-reeeeeeeer-do-reet, ba-do-reeeeer-do-reet, the Humpty Dance is your chance to do THE HUMP )

i'm like martha freaking stewart over here!

2011-04-14T23:07:00.000-07:00

Herrrrrrrowww! (in best Kim Jong Il voice)

I hope you are all enjoying what is the wettest and rainiest of springs. I can not wait until the sunshine comes!

I have so much to tell you, but honestly, I don't even know where to start, or how to make it entertaining. So for now I'll show you some crafty things I've been up to in my quest to give up laziness for lent.

I totally painted this awesome tree on a door in my hallway. Its a weird vestibule like area with 5 doors and no wall space. So since I can't hang any pictures, I painted one! This is the door that goes to the upstairs, which is shut 99% of the time. I just used cheap acrylic paint from Wal-Mart and cut a few sponges. There's 3 different colors of green and one solid brown line for the stem. I think it turned out really well! And honestly took me about 10 minutes to do.

My aunt who used to live here, was the owner of a frame shop, which is on the property. So I've been using some of the old materials and framing some pictures of my own. The frame and glass were already cut, with some stupid picture inside. I've tried to teach myself how to use the mat cutter, since there's a million sheets of mats in various colors and sizes just sitting there. Not bad if I do say so myself! Its a picture I took at a market in Florence, Italy, and is now hanging in my kitchen! YAY ME!

HELLOOOOOO DOLLAR STORE CRAFTS! I used some wood glue and chopsticks to make a trivet. Awesomeness!

It hangs on the wall when its not in use. Me likey.

HOW Effing Cute is this?!?

My secret? They're Starbucks glasses. You know, those premade frappucino things. I enjoy vanilla.

I peeled the stickers off, washed them out, and spray painted them white. Then I found some rub-on letters at the craft store and put "milk" in differing languages on them. I still want to do one that says MILCH (german) and LATTE (Italian).

They make super cute flower vases. I'm holding some (deadish) daffodils. Need to go pick some new ones!!

And a fun story for you...

I went to a concert on Monday night. It was Bad Religion and Rise Against, pretty punk/hard rock. Anyway, I was jumping around and dancing about in the mosh pit, and some guy totally knocked me down and I twisted my ankle all the hell. Nothing makes you feel old like injuring yourself in the pit. SERIOUSLY!?

Now its all bruised and swollen and pretty gross looking. I'm currently icing and elevating as I type this. But its pretty awesome gimping around work and having people ask me what happened. I can't stop myself from giggling and the ridiculousness of it.

I ooze Awesome from every pore.

you just blew my mind

2011-04-06T07:10:00.000-07:00

yes, I am alive!!

2011-04-04T22:19:00.000-07:00

My dear blogging friends!!

I miss you so much!!! Seriously, I'm not lying!!! :)

I have news!

I've been missing because I got a job!!! WOOO HOOOOO!!

Its nothing major, I'm working as a hostess at a restaurant for lunches. Its only 16 hours a week, but its still something!! I'm hoping to get into serving there soon too, to make some bank tips, but I gotta "pay my dues", so-to-speak.

So that's why I've been gone.

That and the fact that its Spring Time and have been spending some time outside and trying to get a garden in order. Planting and playing in the dirt.

I've also been doing really good with my giving up "laziness" for lent too. Mostly with the yard work, but I've just been trying really hard to stay busy, and honestly, *sigh* blogging falls under laziness for me. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I love blogging!!! But once I sit down in front of the computer, its so easy for me to sit there for another 5 hours... I'm Le Lame. I know.

Anyway, I'll try to be back more often, but I thought I needed to tell you my success story!

I know its cheesy, but I do love you all. And miss you. But Mama's just busy now.

Funny and Totally TRUE Story:
After working 2 whole days, Monday and Tuesday, I was sitting in my pajamas on Wednesday morning at 10:30... I thought to myself... "Man, its nice to have a day off".........

THIS...

Was my thought after working TWO WHOLE DAYS.

Wow.

Right??!

Its a good thing I'm easing back into this thing part time!!!

Love you!! :)

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2011-03-17T09:44:00.000-07:00

I write nearly the same post almost every St. Patrick's Day...

"There are only two kinds of people in the world, The Irish and those who wish they were."

God isn't that the truth. I get so sick of people claiming to be Irish on St. Patrick's day. We all know those these douchebags. They're everywhere. And they really seem to crawl out of the woodwork mid-March.

I'm sorry, but unless you have an Irish accent, or parents with an Irish accent, you're fucking American. Do you have a passport from Ireland? No? Then shutthefuckup. Good Lord.

I mean, I'm all for having pride in your heritage. I'm Dutch, Scotch (Scot? Whatever. Scotch just sounds cooler.) and German. But I sure as shit don't go running around in late September (check it, that's when Oktoberfest actually is) yelling how German I am, and kicking up my heels and doing a polka jig in my lederhosen. NO. My great-grandmother was German. That makes me about 1/8th German, and not enough to run around with the German flag on my back. It just makes me love beer. I'm pretty sure its in my genes. But I digress...

Take a look around today and tonight. Listen to the morons. According to the general population, about 86.49% of America claims to be "Irish." Too bad I have to listen to douchebags all day. And no, I don't believe that you always drink Guiness. Drink a fifth of Bushmills, and we'll talk.

Now don't get me wrong. I LOVE St. Patrick's day. I mean, any reason to drink more beer than usual, green or no, is a great day in my opinion. And bars like to make the beer cheaper.

I have no clue where I found the following article, and honestly it was several years ago, so I'm sorry I'm not citing the source. My bad. If anyone finds it, let me know, and I'll cite it as the IAPEC requires. (the Internet Anti-Plagarism Enforcement Committee. Yes I made that up)

Please let me clear up a few blatantly wrong ideas people seem to have about Paddy's day.

Firstly, the next time I meet someone who says that people in Ireland don’t celebrate Paddy’s day in Ireland, I am going to punch them in the face. How people ever got that misguided idea, I don't know.

Almost as bad is the idea that it is celebrated ’better’ in the U.S. Paddy’s day here is fun, no doubt, but at the end of the day all it is is people wearing green and getting drunk. In Ireland it is a national holiday, so no one works or goes to school. It is much more of a family holiday with every little town having a parade to celebrate. It is also a true cultural event with numerous ceili (singing and dancing festivals) and sporting events taking place. Of course there is a wild night of drinking after, but drinking isn't as central to the holiday as it is in the US.

It is PaDDy's day, not PaTTy's day - I cannot stress enough that seeing it written PaTTy's day makes most real Irish people physically ill.

And as for all the fighting about where Saint Patrick came from etc, historians aren’t even sure if the guy existed for definite, so everyone needs to relax on that score!

Have fun today and tonight, and Cheers! And no pinching, that's for middle schoolers.

Look at me! I'm Irish!!

marchy march

2011-03-15T22:19:00.000-07:00

Yes I'm still alive.

Barely.

I know I'm a big suck and haven't been super talkative, but i'm really working hard on getting a new job.

Applications, resumes, face-to-face drop-in interviews, and lots and lots of ice cream.

And beer.

Things are going to look up, I know it.

I'm not worried, and I hope you're not either...

Positive attitudes will WIN THE DAY!!

Happy thoughts, I love you all :)

coming soon!

2011-03-06T00:01:00.000-08:00

hi, my name is debbie downer

2011-03-04T17:11:00.000-08:00

Hello dear readers! Debbie Downer here! :D

Yup, that's right. This is officially the second worst week of my life. Second only to the week I got my DUI. Something about being arrested takes the cake. Emotionally I've gone from bursts of tears, hysterical laughter, disbelief and utter depression...

SO- to spare you too much melancholy, I'm just going to give you a bullet point version of my week... seems less traumatic for you that way!

MONDAY:

Turned down for my old job. Didn't give me a reason why, just said they "wouldn't be rehiring me". THAT was a super blow to the ego. I thought that would be a sure thing.

TUESDAY:

Got an email about the job I interviewed for last week, saying they were going with another candidate. I had a really good feeling after the interview, which makes me think I can't read people at all.
Guy who said he was going to buy my car, didn't have the money. Surprise surprise. Relisted Jeep on Craig's List.

WEDNESDAY:

Went to Wal-Mart to spend the last of this week's money on necessities before my income disappears. Read: Dog food, cat food, toilet paper, coffee (no more Starbucks for me!)
Upon return, car wouldn't start in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Burst into tears.
Contemplated applying for a job at Wal-Mart while waiting for a ride.
Boyfriend finally texted me back, and figured out the fix to my Jeep was easy (loose battery terminal connection), drove home and applied for a job at Wal-Mart.

FRIDAY:

Furnace won't turn on. Thought I had enough oil to last to April, whoops! There's another $300 to get heating oil (which I don't have and have to borrow from Mom)
Confirmed that I am not eligible for anymore unemployment extensions. My next to last paycheck is next Wednesday for $390. Then the following Wednesday I'll get my final paycheck of $4. WOO!

So thus far, this week has been amazing. Can you smell my sarcasm? I hope so!

Now, in order to keep myself SANE, I'm going to try to be positive and think some happy thoughts.

Here's a few things I'm thankful for:

I live in a house that my parents own and (technically) pay no rent.
I can always take on a boarder to help supplement my living expenses (although that's a last resort).
I own my car outright, and don't make payments, so it won't get repo'd
I will be eligible for a NEW unemployment claim, however its only $150 a week, but its better than nothing.
My tax return is en route. Its only $480, but again, its something!
There's a freezer at my parents that STOCKED full of food, that I'm more than welcome to steal from if need be.
My friends and family, who seem to have more faith in me and my abilities than I do.

So there's my happy thoughts for the day. I appreciate all your kind words too my dear readers and friends. I'm trying really hard to stay positive. And find my happy place!!!

I leave you with this pic, which totally makes me laugh:

blog swap: shittay sports movies!!

2011-03-02T16:38:00.000-08:00

Hello my lovelies!

Its that time of month again, for another Horrible Movie Blog Swap!!

(Does anyone have a clever title for that? NO? Moving on...)

You can see my review of Surf School over here

This month we reviewed sports movies, and the beautiful and talented and hilarious

Christina @ Christina in Wonderland

has been good enough to guest post for me. Please enjoy!!

There comes a time in every person's life when they sit down with their family, or their significant other, or their dog, and they decide to watch a "sports" movie. This could be a football, baseball, Nascar, whatever that fuck kind of movie, but, basically, you're sitting down watching a movie about something you should probably getting your fat ass out there and doing.

And layin' off the potato chips. Just sayin'...

Anyway, that was this month's theme. Sports movies. And lemme tell you, I don't watch many of those bitches, because they are SUPER fucking cheestastic, and I ain't into that.

But I digress.

There was once a time in Christina's life when she was forced to watch this stupid damn race-"horse" movie with a zebra.

That movie was called, Racing Stripes.

Now, I don't want to ruin this movie or the "ending" or whatever for anyone who may want to watch it just to say they watched it, but, basically my review takes at least one thing into account.

You can get maybe five genuine laughs from the movie, on a good day, and that's if you find the particular humor funny. Other than that, you'll mostly be laughing at the atrocious vocal acting, shitty premise, and Hayden Panettiere's lousy ass fake country accent. Of which I should know, because I have the misfortune of possessing a legit southern accent. Fuck yeah...

As if a movie about a zebra who thinks he can be a race horse is bad enough... they give you horrible CGI flies, one voiced by the ever annoying David Spade, that just make you want to grab the nearest flyswatter, or just knock your TV over onto the floor.

And the premise? Dear God the premise! It's ridiculous, even for a family movie. There is NO WAY that a zebra could ever be good enough to race against thoroughbred race horses. It's a *cute* concept, but it's ridiculous, and doesn't lend itself to good dialogue or plot. The training sequences are boring, and the story is so outdone in every other "zero to hero" racing movie that it's blatantly pathetic.

To add insult to injury, the animals fucking talk...

They talk and they don't even say anything funny. Or enlightening. The worst part of that? THERE'S SO MANY QUALITY ACTORS, like Dustin Hoffman and Whoopi Goldberg, but their vocal performances fall tragically short of entertaining. Actually, they don't even get NEAR that mark. They're bland and lifeless.

And someone needs to kill the rooster voiced by Jeff Foxworthy. Just because the fucking movie basically takes place in a fucking redneck setting, doesn't mean you have to CAST JEFF FUCKING FOXWORTHY IN EVERY FUCKING THING BECAUSE HE IS NOT FUCKING FUNNY! GOD DAMN!

*ahem*

But... Hayden is super adorable, and at least she went on to do better shit after this, like Heroes, and, uh...

Yeah, no, basically there was Heroes...

ups and downs, highs and lows

2011-02-28T16:54:00.000-08:00

Man am I ever tired of feeling like shit. Not physically, emotionally.

This weekend was fantastic. Just what the doctor ordered. Sunshine and snow and lots of good company. (See yesterday's post)

However today, I feel like crappola again. I received a call from my old job, the one I reapplied for, is passing on me. They didn't even tell me what their reasons are... just that they won't be taking back. yay.

So I've had a bowl of ice cream and I'm sitting here wrapped in my blanket on the couch. I'm going to have a few beers later on with my friend.

I really had a good feeling about this one. I've had several people tell me that it wasn't meant to be, and that something else is coming up. Though its still hard to not feel like a loser. I just wish I knew why?

The good news is that I don't have to move. Although I was kind of looking forward to that. But I don't have to relocate, make new friends, go through that whole rigga-ma-role. And I don't have to deal with anything crazy with Mr. Man just yet (moving in together or moving across the country together or breaking up). Also I have several people interested in buying my car, so I'm hoping that will be taken care of soon. Who knows, maybe I'll have to live on that money while I continue to look for work.

Until then, I'm trying to be optimistic about the interview I had last Thursday...

Happy thoughts!

yes, i'll take it!

2011-02-27T13:07:00.001-08:00

fresh powder

champagne by the lake!

Mt. McLoughlin

Mr. Man and Myself ♥

Where's Waldo?!

Mush! Mush!! (I'm on a sled)

Carnage.

2 feet of new powder... sunshine... Gorgeous!!

seriously, i just frolicked

2011-02-24T22:40:00.000-08:00

No, seriously. Frolicking. And it was awesome!

Today was a good day. A great day!

Today I had an interview. Yup, you read that right. Three days ago I was bitching about not having any calls and BAM! Interview. Crazy huh? I was actually in the midst of typing that post when I received a phone call wanting to schedule a phone interview the following day. I finished my post and moved on, not really wanting to jinx anything. Which is also why I didn't tell you good folks about how that went well, and that I was scheduled for a face-to-face interview today. Again, didn't want to jinx anything.

So -- because of our minor snowpocalypse last night, I was worried about making it to the interview. I had to drive about an hour to get to the location. So to be safe, I left three hours early. Hey, they were talking about all kinds of traffic issues, so I didn't want to take any chances!! And sure enough... I was there 2 hours early. Zoinks! So I watched this week's Glee episode on my phone and sipped Starbucks as not to get overly amped up while I waited for my interview.

Long story long, it went really well. I should hear back in 7-10 days, when they're done interviewing. And that coffee helped out a lot. I seemed VERY excited and was VERY talkative. It was mostly nerves, but the caffeine helped a bit, I'm sure.

And we haven't been under a "snowmaggeddon" attack like the rest of the country recently, so today's snow was pretty much the first here to stick and last more than 10 minutes.

So........

Tonight I frolicked! It was quiet and peaceful and the snow was fresh with no footprints, just begging for some frolicking. I actually skipped, and twirled around once or twice or 17 times. The cats and dog even joined me. I think they were mostly confused and wondering what the crap I was doing.

I took some pictures, although they just don't capture my ridiculous moment of pure joy.

Poor Murphy was very confused.

The kitties are fans of snow. Just not when its snowING


Mischief had just jumped out of that tree. Little maniac was frolicking too.

Have a great weekend everyone!

tuesday tunes - gonna slap a bitch!!

2011-02-22T23:43:00.000-08:00

Here's some Tuesday Tunes, just under the wire.

I was reading through my blogs today and came across one that really pissed me off. No, it wasn't a right-wing, pro-gun, "Sarah Palin for President" kind of post, which are the usual culprits of making my blood boil.

Someone, whom I normally get quite a kick out of reading, was talking about Avril Lavigne, and her new song. The post in general didn't make me mad, it was the video she posted, and the fact that she referred to Ms. Lavigne (which I pronounce as La-vigg-knee) as "punk rock".

Let me say, on behalf of punks everywhere:
Avril Lavigne is NOT PUNK ROCK. Not even a little bit. This angers all my best sentibilities. I'm not even going to get into the fact that she's not even "rock" and that she's a cupcake pop singer. Anyone who titles a song Sk8terBoi is not punk rock. I've gone to my fair share of punk shows, and love quite a few punk bands. And let me assure you, she is not, I repeat, NOT, PUNK ROCK.

Punk Rock.

Look! My hair is pink! I'm SOOOOOO punk!

Not to mention she looks like she has fangs. Seriously. What's going on with her teeth? Did she get those filed? I digress...

Is she a vampire or a werewolf?

Now the other reason I hated this post was that her new video is so beyond stupid. I refuse to post it here, but its called "What the Hell" or some shit. She just runs around like a little asshole, doing whatever she wants, wrecking a cab, flirting with guys, stealing clothes, even if it clearly upsets her boyfriend. What the hell!

That, and stupid lyrics and you get a song more poppy that anything Ms. Spears has ever put out. And to top it all off, there's at least 5 blatant product placements in the video, including her own clothing line and perfume. What is she, a Kardashian?

Barf.

Leave the punk rocking to the real punks please. Real punks who take a stand, fight for a cause, get angry at the government and call for action.

http://www.dailycardinal.com/news/famous-rockers-play-for-protesters-at-rally-1.2009643

Or selling T-Shirts to benefit a cause, as opposed to hawking your own stupid shit in your own stupid music video.

http://www.dropkickmurphys.com/news

"Just because we can't change everything, doesn't mean we shouldn't try to change anything at all."
-Tim McIlrath, Rise Against

Now that's punk rock.

Warning, this video is not for the faint of heart. If you are an Avril Lavigne fan, you probably won't like it.

an update, some self-loathing and a little freaking out

2011-02-21T17:07:00.000-08:00

My unemployment runs out in 3 weeks.

3 weeks!!

And I've been applying for jobs. Lots of jobs. Jobs I'm qualified to do. Jobs I'd be good at. Jobs I want to do..

In the mean time, I've gotten no calls. NONE.

So I'm really really really really starting to freak out. Like crying, hyperventilating, pacing, having-to-take-deep-breaths-and-drink-peppermint-tea-to-calm-the-fuck-down freaking out.

I'm starting to not spend any money and starting to sell my shit on line, just in case. I have no idea when more money will come in again. I will probably qualify for a "new" claim, but that will only be $150 a week, which honestly is pennies. And doesn't even cover my loan (which is co-signed by my mom and the only credit bill I'm current on), power bill and car insurance. This isn't counting cell phone, internet and heat.

So I'm starting to look for ANY kind of work. Like part-time, waitressing, whatthefuckever I can find. I applied at Staples as a cashier. I applied at Home Depot. I'm going to have to start showing up at coffee shops, restaurants and bars asking if they're hiring. Ugghhh. I hate to do that. They hate it when people do that. I have a college degree, and I can't find a job. Its so ridiculous!!! I feel like such a loser, loser, McLoser Pants.

As you know I re-applied for my old job. They called me last week to confirm that I was mobile. Of course I'm mobile! Yes!! A few days ago I emailed a current employee, who also quit and came back, about her experience. She said it took quite a while, from June to September, before she actually came back. I've also emailed old co-workers and supervisors to let them know I'm trying to come back. They all said they'd put a good word in for me. So it sounds like things sound like they're moving along, but slowly. And I still have to survive either way.

And to top it all off -- I had to replace my radiator this weekend. Luckily Mr. Man found one online for only $75 and installed it for me. SCORE! But, while he was "in there" he heard and saw some stuff that needs to be addressed soon. Like, will have to take-the-entire-motor-out to fix it, problem. And should-have-been-done-yesterday urgent. Great. I asked him if it would be worth it to fix it, or just sell my car and not have to deal with it. He said it'd probably be best to sell it. *sigh*

Well that's it. Life is pretty shitty now.

So today, I'm going to get a pedicure, a gift from Mr. Man for VDay. Then wash my car, and take some pictures to put it up on Craigslist. And finally, read my book club book (two days to finish) in the sunshine! Its actually sunny today. 45 degrees, but still sunny! I'm hoping a dose of vitamin D will make me feel better and perk up my spirits.

Happy thoughts!

i hate you walmart... a poem

2011-02-16T17:09:00.000-08:00

Oh, how I hate you walmart.
I hate your stupid parking lot, and how it takes 47 minutes to get out of it.
I hate your white trash customers.
I hate that I always see someone from high school when I go inside.
I hate those fat people who use those scooters. I see fatter people on Biggest Loser working out. Don't you think you could walk around to pick up your Doritos and chocolate milk?
I hate that those fatties on scooters are like people with strollers, they ignore you, and cut you off, and nearly run you over every time.
I hate that you've put patio furniture and barbecues out in February.
I hate how your self check out YELLS AT ME. Are all your customers hard of hearing?!
I hate that most of your staff are giant assholes. Or idiots. Or both.
I hate that everything they carry contains high fructose corn syrup. Really? In my mustard? Really? Not necessary, thanks.
I hate that you are the only store in town for me to buy laundry detergent.
I hate that they tore down the drive-in theater to build that monstrosity of a store.
I miss the drive-in.

Random Shit Tuesday -- in pictures

2011-02-15T10:51:00.000-08:00

For lack of anything interesting to say, I'm going to send you the last few pictures in my phone. Random enough, right?!

New hiking boots! I LOOOOOOOOOVE them!
Seriously, don't they look like something you'd wear while hiking the Swiss Alps?
With a walking stick? And a feather in your cap? And a stripey scarf?
While drinking some hot chocolate?!

Tried some of the new Trader Joe's beers. Not too bad.
I liked this one best, Simple Times. Light and crisp, but still quite tastey.
Not hoppy at all, I'd give it 3.5 stars.

SOMEONE wouldn't leave me alone when I was trying to do some yoga.

SOMEONE got hair all over my yoga mat.

SOMEONE kept doing figure 8's between my feet when I was doing warrior pose

SOMEONE nearly caused me to fall on several occasions.

Its a good thing that SOMEONE is cute.

This was my Valentine's Day present to Mr. Man.

Its the "Man Bouquet" and I think its awesome.

I think it was sufficiently embarrassing when I dropped it off at his work,
and the receptionist had to deliver it to his desk. :)

This was the amount of hair in my KITCHEN and the hallway.

Seriously.

Not even the hair in the living room, bedroom or bathroom.

2 cats and a dog... I need to teach them to sweep up after themselves.

wordless wednesday

2011-02-09T11:32:00.000-08:00

Best. Episode. Ever.

lollllolololzzzzzz

2011-02-08T22:52:00.000-08:00

Wooooo! I love awards! Although this thank you TWO WEEKS LATE (I Suck!) its still genuine. THANK YOU!!! I got this little goodie from The Tame One @ Thoughts of an Oxymoron.

I'm going to try not to judge too much regarding the title of this award, as I have SERIOUS issues with the term/phrase "LOL" so I'll just move quickly past that.

I'm really awful at coming up with NEW "things you don't know about me", and honestly the main reason I'm doing this is because I love getting the chance to bestow awards on my favorite bloggers, and exposing the rest of you on some hidden blogosphere jems. Shit, every time I see someone doing this I read every single one of the new bloggers and check them out! So I hope you do too.

Onward! So, 7 things about me...

I HATE NICKELBACK!! Freaking pseudo-hard-rock! Awful. Pitiful. Painful. Just say no!!
I tell everyone that I hate Valentine's day, but really, I'm a hopeless romantic. I would love it if Mr. Man brought me flowers and chocolates for the VD. Or read me a poem. Or even made me a mix tape! *gush*
I love love spicy food. Hotter the better. I guess that isn't very interesting, but maybe you didn't know it. Jalapenos, FOR THE WIN!
I never dream when I sleep. Almost ever. On the rare occasion when I do, it inevitably is one of those dreams where my teeth are falling out (a symbol of powerlessness), or I'm trying to get away from something and running in slow motion (feeling helpless, lack of full control). Paging Dr. Freud!!
I've been in a german beer ad. THREE TIMES. Its kind of a long story, but basically when I was studying abroad, my friends and I were at a "Beer Tapping" ceremony and someone took a picture of us. It ended up in the brewery's annual calendar the following year. (Awesome!) Then the same picture ran in another ad for the brewery during the European Cup. (Sah-weet!) And finally the next year there was a freaking billboard in the center of town, again with the same picture! Luckily a friend was still in town and sent us all a calendar, and I was in town visiting friends the year the magazine ad came out. I totally never saw the billboard, but someone took a picture and tagged me on facebook. So crazy and awesome, but to this day, I still have received no beer as compensation for the use of my likeness. DAMMIT!!

This is the magazine ad -- I'm second from the left (obvs)

I love to eat my bananas green. None of that brown and bruised shit.
My favorite scent and flower in the whole wide world is lavender. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. I have like a gagillion post cards of lavender fields from when I was in france. I so love the smell and look of dried bouquets too. I have a ton of lotion and soap too. Its always gotta be lavender. BUT -- not that fake lavender smell. Its gotta be authentic lavender or no dice.

And now 7 awesome homies that I will bestow this amazing honor upon. A few of these are new (to me) blogs that I've been enjoying reading, and you should too. Here ya go! Now go to their blogs immediately!!

Brandon and Bryan over @ A Beer for the Shower They are my beer soul mates.
Smooches @ Cruel Smooches, who shares her hilarious exploits in online dating
Erin @ Musings of a Mad Woman, seriously insane and funny shit there
Bird Shit and Baby Caca (I swear, those are their names!) @ The Two Twins
Man-Shopper @ Man Shopping in Paris You wouldn't believe how funny dating in a foreign language can be!
Kaleena @ Just Add Kaleena Super smart, sweet and funny gal.
Denise @ Blah Blah Blah, cause she just had her first hickey since HIGH SCHOOL!

Thanks again!! And happy reading!

Super Bowl Sunday

2011-02-06T18:28:00.000-08:00

Salsa? Check! Guacamole? Check! Buffalo Wings? Check!

...and...

BIG SCREEN DOMINATION!!!

yeah... thats my 19" tv in the corner :) Projector... For the win!!

Hope you all have a great, fun day! And... Go Packers!!

--McG

we put birds on things!

2011-02-04T09:42:00.000-08:00

Seriously, seriously, seriously.

If you like quirkey, dry, witty and seriously funny tv (think Flight of the Conchords) you MUST watch Portlandia.

Its insane and hilarious! I just watched the first 2 episodes OnDemand and loved it. I live in Oregon, about another hour from Portland, and I gotta say, this show is DEAD ON! Filmed in Portland, they basically poke fun at the ultra laid back, granola, everything organic, let's go green, mild-inferiority-complex-to-Seattle lifestyle, that is Portland.

Check out this video (which is literally the first 3 minutes of the show).

Its on IFC, Fridays @ 10:30. Bicycle Rights!! Go Vegan!!

RomCom movie review blog swap!

2011-02-02T08:26:00.000-08:00

ALOHA Chickadees! Some friends and I got together and did a movie review blog swap. This month we reviewed RomCom's... in all their sappy glory. My buddy Rio from over at Good Music Bad Math has done a amazing job with a little gem you may have seen, The Ugly Truth. Enjoy!

You can check out my review of Fool's Gold here.

Hey everyone it’s me, Andres Rio, but I mostly go by Rio. I am just your regular nerdy dude, thinking about chicks while he solves differential equations and listens to music. This is my review for our movie blog swap.

For this month’s movie review, the theme was appropriately chosen to be bad romantic comedies. Being of the male gender, and not at all too familiar with the genre, I decided to just Wikipedia it and see what I got. Now reading through the Romantic Comedy article (also labeled as the ‘chick flick’ one), I saw “Knocked Up”, which led me to a “click” on that link. I had already seen it but I thought maybe I would find something else to satisfy my curiosity. Aha, so I had found another related movie, “The Ugly Truth”.

This movie can be summed up in a word: awkward. Not an awkward funny, like realizing how much better looking you are than that ex’s current boyfriend. It’s not even an embarrassing awkward, like nearly hitting your next door neighbor while making out in your car (don’t kiss and drive kids). Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler bring you a fresh mix of uncomfortable feelings and squirming around, while you hold on to your remote to remind yourself that you can change the channel at anytime.

First off was the acting. I have a lot of respect for Gerard Butler, because the man was in 300 AND The Phantom of the Opera. I mean, he should practically slap a “Try Type-Casting This Shit” sticker on his face. Both of his performances in those movies were great, and he showed off the different skills that an actor must have to genuinely present a variety of characters. Check it out:

A living war machine…

A stalker with a great singing voice and screwed up face

Yet his performance of bitter man/controversial relationship commentator Mike Chadway left my mind boggled. I was distracted from half his lines due to the fact that he was maneuvering his face in weird contortions. I assume that this was to help him speak in an “American” accent, and not in his native Scottish one. Why anyone would try to hide a Scottish accent is beyond me, but I wasn’t the screenwriter so I will stay silent on that topic. Mike’s behavior throughout the movie was erratic and confusing though. This guy goes from insulting and arrogant to generous and caring to whiny and devastated. Maybe the director wanted to show how his relationship to Heigl’s character brought out his true feelings? If so, man, great idea, horrible execution. I know I am supposed to be cheering on Gerard’s character so he can end up with the girl but damn, turns out Mike is a whiny bitch that is given up on love…Katherine do you really want that in your bed and in your life?

Speaking of Mrs. Heigl, I just have to say, “Not again” and shake my head. Listen, Katherine, you are awesome looking, and you seem like a really nice person with a great personality. I would probably take you out to dinner, and then let you meet mom and dad, maybe talk about having a three-some with one of your girlfriends…what? Well, my point is that even though you are this “nice girl” actress, I can’t help but think you are consistently portrayed as the epitome of the annoying woman, complete with extreme naïveté, clumsiness, and an ability to criticize everything and everyone around you. Let’s look at Knocked Up. You meet Seth Rogan, get preggers, and fall in love with him, albeit with various misadventures and realizations that you can’t force love or who you fall in love with. Great! And now you are in this movie, where you meet Gerard Butler, have to deal with his shenanigans on your morning show, and fall in love with him, albeit with even more ridiculous misadventures (like the one involving panties with a built-in vibrator), where you learn, yet again, you can’t force love or who you fall in love with. Let’s take a moment and sigh. Where are you going wrong Katherine? Aren’t you an actress, a person who brings to life characters from a script? Whatever happened to doing an action film, a (real) comedy, a horror movie even?? All I’m saying is, if I can copy and paste your performance from a previous movie to the one I’m watching and it still fits, there is something wrong here.

Now, let’s talk about storyline. In simple terms, its girl meets boy, girl hates boy, boy thinks girl is stupid, and then through experiences shared with one another they find out they were in love the whole time! Well by golly, isn’t that a dandy? But here is the problem…did this movie just paint a very ugly picture of both sexes to achieve this plot outcome? For men, it’s that in reality either we are easily manipulated or deceived, like Heigl’s character’s boyfriend, or that we are huge dicks that were just hurt by those scheming women in our lives, Butler’s character in this case. On the women’s side, the main character has a list of “10 Characteristics” that her dream man must have. Excuse me…do all women find love as if they were finding a purse or a pair of shoes? If that’s the case I should walk around with a neon sign that says “I HAVE AN ELEVATED IQ, HAVE NO HISTORY OF TERMINAL DISEASES, AND I CAN DANCE”, maybe that will make girls jump on me to make behbehs. Just saying.

I don’t think I have an inherent distaste for rom-coms, I just want to believe what I am seeing. Now, a movie about love and finding love doesn’t always have to buy into extreme generalizations. Maybe, just listen to me for a second, our personalities are our own AND we can find someone that can live with that. That’s not settling for someone, that’s called acceptance of who they are. This movie was like trying to eat bullshit sauce for however many minutes this film lasted. Not to mention there were scenes that made me wonder out loud if there were supposed to be funny at all. I guess I don’t find Katherine Heigl fake-blowing someone at a ball park amusing, but maybe there are people that do. I would like a Katherine Heigl real blowjob, so I really hope this whole “blogging” thing works out. :P

On a parting note, I must say at least something about the movie’s soundtrack (music blogging will do that for you). Overall, there is a nice mix of artists ranging in styles and popularity, from Katy Perry to Los Pinguos. One song to definitely look up and nab for your library is El Gitano del Amor by the Latin Soul Syndicate, which is an excellent jazzy salsa mixture for your earbuds to enjoy. So, if anything, get the soundtrack and listen up, and watch the movie when you are several shots deep.

I think Rio knocked it out of the park with this one. Now go check out his blog! GO! GO! GO!

love is a mix tape

2011-01-31T20:42:00.000-08:00

Out on the road today, I saw a Sub Pop sticker on a Subaru.
A little voice inside my head said, yuppies smell teen spirit too.
I thought I knew what love was, but I was blind.
Those days are gone forever, whatever, never mind.

another day, another beer, another hangover

2011-01-27T20:17:00.000-08:00

woah woah woah.

Beer and wine definitely don't mix.

Don't get me wrong, I had SO MUCH FUN last night, but today, well, lets just say that I woke up still drunk, and finally started functioning at 4pm. Woo!

So, since my brain is moving slowly, and I'm waiting for the pizza to cook (YUM! Best for hangovers, seriously.) Just a few thoughts.

This is totally my new favorite beer of the moment. New Belgium's Trippel is so delicious. Unfortunately we can only find it in the mix pack, and I'm not really a fan of the darker 1554 which you also get three of in the mix. I highly recommend trying it.

I miss the flip-flop tan line on my feet. So I painted my toe nails cotton candy pink. Of course I never get to see it, cause I'm wearing thick socks all the time. But I digress...

Too much typing, my head is spinning. I have to lie down now.

Go forth and drink some beers!

wordless wednesday

2011-01-26T08:42:00.000-08:00

zufällige sheiße dienstag

2011-01-25T08:08:00.000-08:00

Helloooooooo (in my best Ranjit voice -- HIMYM? Anyone? No? Moving on)

Random Shit Tuesday back in the house. Are you ready to have your mind blown? HA!

So -- in case you're all curious, YES. Yes, I did make that all important email and ask for my job back. I had a former coworker of mine Mr. Peacock (who still works there) proof read my email. He's been great about my neurotic questions about what should it say? Should I address him as "Mr."? Etc. etc... I emailed on Thursday afternoon, so it was after office hours on the east coast. He DID EMAIL ME BACK Friday morning. All it said was Anne, Give me a call when you have a free minute. I’m at ext 2**** . That's a direct quote. No signature. No nothing. So I called an hour after the email came in, about 1:30 EST. And I got no answer. I triednot to get too worried since it was a Friday after all, and who knows what's going on in the office. Then Monday. NOTHING. So, after careful advisement from Mr. Peacock yet again, I set my alarm for 6am PST to make a "first thing in the morning" call. Voicemail yet again!! However, it rang once, so that usually means he's on the other line. Anyway... I'll be sure to keep you posted. I'm really excited about this though. I realized once I hung up and I was shaking that I pretty much really wanted my old job back. Like for reals. Kind of exciting, but scary, cause you know, they may not want me back. *sigh* And now I wait...

----

I am SOOO in love with this show.

The Walking Dead, on AMC

The Walking Dead is freaking Gah-REAT! I'd heard some people on a local radio show talking about it one day and realized I really needed to see it. Its basically a zombie movie, but a tv show. Its based on a graphic novel that is "intensely character driven". I love anything zombie and they've done a fantastic job on this show. Great special effects and, in my opinion, great casting (I had no idea the main guy was actually British!) I'm not sure when season two starts, but I'm super excited. Season 1 is only six episodes, 1 hour each. I just happened to catch a marathon on AMC the other weekend, when they showed it pretty much back-to-back all weekend long. I'm sure its on the usual online viewing places. Totally check this out! TWO THUMBS WAY UP!

----

Note to self, don't read books about food, when you're on a two day fast. Especially this one

nothings turns you into Homer Simposon worse than drinking leek soup broth all day long and then looking at this

mmmmmm... quarter pounder with cheese....

Although I highly recommend this book. Well, any one of them actually. Other than the mouth watering pictures of stuff you're not supposed to eat they give you somewhat healthier (and i use that word loosely) options for some of your favorite places to eat. Granted I try to avoid eating at fast food places, or in chain restaurants as a rule, but sometimes you are stuck eating there, whether for work or someone in your family chooses to eat there for their birthday. Its nice to know you're not secretly eating the 1,700 calorie / 62 grams of fat chicken salad at Chili's but something a little less bad for your ~~ass~~ heart.

----

Have any of you seen THIS?!

I saw a commercial for this monstrosity the other day, and I have a few things to say about it.

FIRST OFF -- if your dog is fat, its YOUR FAULT . Unless he's escaping every night (also your fault) and eating out of dumpsters form a Chinese restaurant, you're in charge of feeding him. This means you don't give your dog Doritos. Sweet Jesus, even I don't eat those, let along give them to my dog. My dad is notorious for giving his dog saltine crackers. What the fuck?! Talk about empty calories. Anyway. If you can't manage to restrain yourself from giving your pup too many treats, or God forbid, use a measuring cup when feeding your pooch, you don't deserve to own a pet. Seriously. They are genetically engineered to eat whenever and whatever they can. In the wild, its feast or famine, and your dog is only a few generations away from being a wild dog.

So WHYYYYY would you spend all this money on a "diet system" for your dog? Its pre-measured food (um... ever heard of a measuring cup?) and pre portioned treats (uh yeah, you don't know how to count?). THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE PAYING FOR. What the shit?! Laziness to the millionth degree. Let me guess, you're incredibly over weight too. *sigh* This is why the terrorists hate America. Hell, this is why I hate America.

----

Where the hell are my W-2's!!!

I worked for a company that went out of business, thank youuuuuuuu Hollywood Video, and I'm hoping I get my W-2's soon. I wanna get my refund baby!! Mama wants a new tv!! The 22" tube monstrosity just isn't cutting it for me. Hellooo 42" LCD Flatscreen. YES!

Happy Tuesday everyone!

Smooches,

mama wants to fit into her skinny jeans!!

2011-01-24T20:56:00.000-08:00

Hello dear readers!

I hope you had a lovely weekend. I did. My book club got together for a board game night and has a blast! Book club? Board games? Nerdy? Some may say yes. Hells yes!! :)

Anywhoodle. The point of today is thus:

I've started another blog. Its different than this one, so no need to reset your Google Readers to another website or change your favorites. I'm starting on a weight loss journey. I can't believe I just said "weight loss journey". Who am I?! Anyway, I read somewhere that blogging about your *cough* journey, can help you "stick to it", and be more accountable. Sounds good to me!

So -- if this interests you at all, feel free to check it out! Its the same old me, funny & sarcastic... just talking about food and exercise. I won't be sad if the sound of this bores you. It honestly kinda bores me too. But I'm tired of being a fatty. If anyone wants to head on over I'd really appreciate your support! If not, no hard feelings :) I still heart all of your faces.

http://mcgriddlepants.blogspot.com/

Back to the usual, come tomorrow! Peace out!

shitty movies, and how to avoid them

2011-01-22T09:12:00.000-08:00

After having worked at a video store for more than 10+ years, I believe I have what it takes to weed out a bad movie. I can beat all my friends at SceneIt! I can usually spot the good ones and the bad ones instantly, sometimes just from the poster. However sometimes even my own movie taste gets shanked. Hard. A few examples from last year alone were The Other Guys, Couples Retreat, Funny People, The Box, Skyline, Copout...

As you can see its possible for these producers to fool and reel in even the most critical of all movie-goers. However, I'm still surprised at how some people think "That's gonna be so gooooood!" and I just shake my head. Follow these easy steps and you too can save your hard earned cash, or precious time, for a good movie

Avoid PG-13 rated Action or Horror. Seriously. I learned this trick from my brother. No blood? No swearing? No violence? Call me old-fashioned, but I need a couple of well placed "FUCK!"s in my movies. Think Traitor, Armageddon, or Drag Me To Hell. All of these could have been much better given an 'R' rating. Plus there'll be fewer annoying teenagers at the theater with you, talking, texting, seat hopping, and being... well... teenagers. **Please note: this rule does not necessarily apply to comedies Sci-Fi of suspense type movies.**
Sequels in which none of the original characters return. This seems so obvious to me, but again, some people are fooled. There's a reason those actors aren't coming back. Cause the new script sucks. ie. Fast & Furious: Tokyo Drift.
Sequels where there are no unanswered questions from the first movie (or two). ie. Little Fockers.
Anything straight to video, with the exception of Indie films. These are usually not straight to video, but unless you live in New York, LA or Chicago, you may have missed their theatrical release. Its usually best to go off of recommendations for indie flicks though. Cause there's a lot of shit running around on the IFC channel.
Anything that sounds vaguely similar, or even with the exact same name as something coming out in the theater. When I was working at the video store this crap happened ALL. THE. TIME. Don't be fooled by movies like this...
No Jake Busey was NOT in the Tom Cruise version
... and...
Look kids! Transformers is out! Or is it?
The World's Dumbest Man did a whole blog on crap like this.
Avoid any movie coming out in January or February. Don't believe me? Go ahead and watch No Strings Attached, The Rite, or The Eagle and tell me I'm wrong. If it were any good, studios would have rushed this movie out for the Christmas movie rush, and to make them eligible for the 2010 Oscars.
If you've seen the trailer 398 times and its still a month away from release. I'm looking right at you Green Hornet. There is a small chance that the producers are really proud of their cinematic piece of work. But more than likely they're trying to make up for the fact that its getting crap reviews.
Finally, check Rotten Tomatoes. I love this site because they take ALL reviews and average them. They're almost always right on. I meant they rated Season of the Witch (another January release, the alarms should already be ringing in your head) 5%.

Have fun, keep expectations low (then you're never disappointed) and see you at the movies!!

i'm in here

2011-01-21T07:41:00.000-08:00

My most overplayed song of the moment.

Loves me some Sia.

This song is the epitome of how i feel when i travel. Longing for somewhere new. Longing for all the places I've already been. Homesick for a place i will never be.

Heartache. Peace. Sadness. Joy.

return

2011-01-20T09:49:00.000-08:00

So I've been toying with the idea of asking for my old job back.

Lets go back.

2 years ago I quit my job as a claims adjuster to join the Peace Corps. Granted I had to move home and pay off all my debts before I could do this. So I packed up my car, and drove from NY back to OR. Well, you can say my (professional) life has been in the shitter ever since. With near nil jobs on the horizon, I've been scraping by on unemployment and the occasional part time job. Needless to say I haven't made a dent on my debts, and honestly haven't paid nearly anything on them since I left. Oh-- and I broke my finger so add on another $1500 in no insurance medical bills I've yet to pay.

Fast forward to now. No job prospects. Not a single one. I've been regularly applying for 5-8 jobs per week. In a word, its devastating. I mean, I have a degree and a fairly descent work history. I'm outgoing, friendly, and have a good head on my shoulders. Well, anyway, its discouraging to not get any interviews, and knowing that your unemployment will be running out in approximately 9 weeks.

*sigh*

And now we're here.

Let me clarify. The job was not awful. The company was great. That's not the reason I originally left. I know I was well thought of (people have actually told me this) and am fairly certain I can return, other than 2 things.

1. My DUI last year.
2. My credit has gone to shit.

So now comes the Pros and Cons list.

PROS:

Great company to work for
Great people to work for, good friends
Really care about their employees
Good benefits
Descent pay
Flexible work schedule
Company car
100% promote from within
Secure business sector

CONS:

Not very intellectually stimulating
90% chance I'll have to move
Moving somewhere new, starting over, again
Not international
May not have a good Manager or Supervisor (which can make or break the job)
May force Mr. Man and I into either moving in together before we're ready or breaking up (or both)
Lawyers
"Fake" injuries and the people who have them
Being on call

That's what I have so far. I could probably come up with more on each side.

I guess the biggest one is the boyfriend one. Mr. Man and I have been together for a year now. Things are good. Solid. I wouldn't say blissful, magical or perfect. I wouldn't say we're necessarily ready to live together either. But then again, I've never lived with a boyfriend before, so I have no idea when that timing is "supposed" to take place. Last weekend we had a discussion about this. I asked how he'd feel if I had to move, if he'd come with me, or if we'd break up, etc. He seemed positive. He said it would depend on where. He said that he's not in love with his job, but he'd need to be able to find something. So that seemed promising, and yet still, very up in the air. I don't think he really wants to move. Probably scared to. He's lived here all his life. I understand that feeling. It is scary moving across the country. Or even to a new place where you don't know anyone. Scary and exciting. Invigorating.

This is where I leave you. Do you have any thoughts? Have any of you had any circumstances like this in your life? I'd love some feed back...

Cheers,

wordless wednesday

2011-01-19T09:25:00.000-08:00

happy 300th post!

long weekend

2011-01-17T13:43:00.001-08:00

Snowshoeing this weekend was awesome! Went to my family's cabin for the long weekend with Mr. Man to test out our new Christmas snowshoes. So much fun! I even learned to play cribbage... which I kind of suck at :)
Hope you had a great weekend too!
McG

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

how to know if you need new glasses...

2011-01-13T07:39:00.000-08:00

Searching through the guide on the tv looking for something to watch.

I come across "Nasty Wines"

"Hmmm" I think. Nasty Wines? A show about what wines are gross? Could be interesting... or funny...

*presses the "info" button*

"Newly divorced flight attendants spend a girls night at home reliving their hottest exploits while sharing scandalous mile high stori-- "

wait a minute...

Oh. Its called Nasty WIVES. Doh!

wordless wednesday

2011-01-12T06:06:00.000-08:00

man cookies

random shizz tuesday

2011-01-11T08:30:00.000-08:00

Call me insensitive, call me an asshole, but really-- there's a few news stories I'm really tired of hearing about.

I'm terribly sorry that the AZ Senator was shot. Who's to blame? Sarah Palin? The crazy guy who actually shot her? Whatever. Its sad, I'm sorry it happened, but every 30 minutes is TOO MUCH. Really, nothing has changed.
SNOWPOCALYPSE!! Get over it people. Its snow for Christ's sake. It happens ALL. THE. TIME. Here's a thought. STOP DRIVING IN IT! Almost all of the South East was shut down before the snow started falling. So what's you're excuse for driving around in it? Gotta catch that flight?! If you can't GET TO THE AIRPORT, then your flight sure as shit ain't talking off. So quit bitching about it. *sigh*
And finally, thank God the National Championship game is over. Did we really need 3,591 features on each team? Each player? Each coach? Fuuuuuuuuuck. Its clear to me that ESPN cares about Cam Newton more than his own mother does. Moving on!

I can see why people watch shit shows and reality tv. Cause the news is so repetitive! I myself changed the channel to Millionaire Matchmaker because I was tired of hearing about the 'Moment of Silence' that they talked about for 3 hours YESTERDAY. Of course I guess I could read a book... Nah!!

-- -- -- --

Is there some reason the homes built pre-1990 must have shower heads that start at my neck?! I'm tall-ish, but being 5'8" hardly makes me a giant-freak-person. However I'm so tired of having to wrench my neck and back to rinse the conditioner out of my hair. Its insane? If you're short, you're lucky on this one. Nothing is worse than being hungover, already balance impaired, and nearly losing your shit trying to wash the drunk out of your hair. Am I the only one with this problem?

-- -- -- --

I just realized that I can recognize Caddyshack by the first few seconds of the opening credits. Yes Bob, I can name that tune in 3 notes. You know, I've often thought of becoming a golf club.

-- -- -- --

Aaaaand Congratulations to Auburn, who seriously played better than Oregon yesterday. Although, apparently they were just giving away 2 point conversions.

bcs

2011-01-10T17:17:00.000-08:00

Yes folks, its gametime. I sit here wearing green. I'm not really happy about it either. I've decided to do the grown up thing and root for Oregon. Being a staunch Oregon State fan (GO BEAVERS!) I agree that its the right thing to do, to root for the Pac-10 (Soon to be Pac-12). I feel dirty too. I wasn't even going to watch the game, cause I'm having such a hard time with this, but I'm at my cousin's house, and they are HUGE Oregon Duck fans... and they informed me I had to wear green, or else I'd have to wait outside (its about 15 degrees here today).

All I can say is, I can't wait for this to be over. I'm SO TIRED of hearing about the Ducks. Blah blah blah. Its not my team, and yeah, I'm pouting about it. Whateva! I do what I want!

I also realize that if/when they win, I will never hear the end of it... for at least the next decade. I can see it now... "Hey remember when we won the National Championship?! How many titles have your Beavers won?!" Shut your pie hole.

Hope you all enjoy the game... I gotta start drinking. And uh... *cough* go ducks.

Oh-- and hope you all like my new layout! :)

365 days, is a lot of days...

2011-01-07T05:38:00.000-08:00

Holy shit, "anonymous" finally has a blog! Not that any of you would know who I'm talking about, but one of my RL friends always comments as anonymous. (She's now badheadday)Well, her New Year's Resolution was to "create" something everyday of 2011. Quite a loft goal, but pretty awesome too. She's very crafty, always doing all kinds of fun projects involving paint, or paste, or something crafty she picked up from Michael's. She's created a blog to chronicle her journey, and I hope you all check it out and support her. Maybe you'll even be inspired too! Check her out!

the 365 project

Oh-- I also kinda forgot that I have a photography blog. I've resolved to update it more often. And try to update it with pictures that I don't always put up here (repetition is boringgggg). Its nothing major, but just a fun place to put some of my many pictures. Check it out, puh-puh-please!

Happy Friday!

first gripe of 2011

2011-01-06T07:53:00.000-08:00

I read this post last year sometime and loved it. All the props go to Hot Pants over at Handbags and Handguns, of whom I stole this post.

I love blog comments. I love responding to blog comments. Most importantly, I love responding to blog comments by hitting reply in my email because it's so easy. If you don't have an email address linked to your blog, it's very unlikely you'll get a response from me. Here are some easy steps to rectify the problem. It really opens the lines of communication. It's super fun, and who doesn't love fun?

1. Go to your Dashboard.

2. Click on Edit Profile.

3. Look in the Privacy section.

4. Make sure the Show My Email Address box is checked.

5. In the Identity section, enter the email address you'd like linked to your blog.

6. Scroll to the bottom of the page and click Save.

7. You can always create an email account for your blog or use one you already have.

8. It's really that simple.

Thank you Hot Pants!

Smooches and Smacks,

wordless wednesday

2011-01-05T08:09:00.000-08:00

awesomesauce

random shizz tuesday 2011!!

2011-01-04T06:20:00.000-08:00

I've missed you all! I swear! I'm trying to get more motivated to write witty things for you... but some days... I just got nothin. I'll work on it. I swear.

Resolutions for this year:

Lose weight (duh, isn't everyone doing that?!)
Read all the books for my book club. Yes, I started the book club, and I've only actually finished 3 of them. (we've read about 9 now...)
Cut out all fast food. No, subway doesn't count, that's still okay.
Donate blood. I mean sweet Jesus, I don't even know what my blood type is. What if I have that rare "I could save the whole planet" rare blood. Talk about selfish!!
Get. A. Job. Amen!!

Pajama jeans?! Really?! What. The. Fuck.

Have you seen this shit? Its pure insanity. This is the end of our society. Pajamas, made to look like jeans. I'm not entirely sure how they differ from jeggings, but apparently they do. Cause they have their own informercial. Its bad enough I have to go to Target and see people in their actual pajamas, but now they'll be pretending to be "dressed" too?! Plus, like the dreaded jeggings, the only people wearing them will be big-fat-fatties.

I just watched an episode of Hoarders where the woman hoarded chickens.

FUCKING CHICKENS. Speechless.

i believe.

2010-12-24T10:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa,

I've been very good this year. I picked up my clothes almost every day. I tried really, really hard to be nice to my brother. I shared my blanket when cuddling with Mr. Man. I ate my vegetables. And I washed behind my ears.

All I want for Christmas is a new job. Something with good benefits. A regular work schedule. Preferably using my degree, but I won't hold you to that.

Thanks Santa!

best thirty seconds of my life!

2010-12-22T08:07:00.000-08:00

Hey! I know that posting videos is a pretty lame way of keeping "up to date" on a blog. However -- I literally just can't stop listening to this!!! The last 132 views are mine. Andy Sandberg is hubba hubba!! I love The Lonely Island!!

oh yeah... that's Jessica Alba... and Blake Lively.

"So this one's dedicated to them girls

who let us flop around on top of them!!"

Yup... That's us ladies. You know we let them flop all over us. And back again. And we love it. Dammit!

Oh and, I just spent the last hour showing my mom all the Lonely Island videos including "I'm on a Boat" "Mother Lover" and "Jizz in my Pants" (Um HELLOOOOOOOOOO! Where have you been?!)

P.S. She likes "I'm on a boat" the best!

If you're not feeling Christmas-ey enough... enjoy this Dan-Band action... dedicated to my dearest fan "Anonymous" Jess:

I ♥ them too!

Merry Frickin Christmas Y'all!!

best of christmastime, no shopping required

2010-12-21T10:10:00.000-08:00

eggnog! christmas carols champagne bringing trees indoors vacation days snow globes snow holiday movies christmas lights board games pie humongous dinners candles family cookies mistletoe charlie brown christmas candy pigs in a blanket snuggling spiced cider Bing Crosby crackling fireplaces
candy canes snowmen cards mittens schnapps poinsettias wreaths nutmeg jingle bells Blitzen Santa hats

its too late to be "nice"

2010-12-19T15:28:00.000-08:00

I'm finally DONE shopping! Thanks goodness for internet shopping and expedited shipping!! My Holiday giving was nearly thwarted by my lack of unemployment fundage. Long story short, I've borrowed money from my mom to get everyone gifts, until I get paid next week. Yayyyyyy for debt! At least my mom doesn't charge me interest. But I do feel a tremendous amount of guilt for being a non-self sufficient adult. But that's neither here nor there.

My post today is about STOCKING STUFFERS! I came up with some pretty kick-ass relatively cheap ones, and wanted to share. I'm such a giver!! They're also great for last minute gift ideas for anyone you may have forgotten!

Walmart $2.40

I laughed OUT LOUD when I saw this.

Sears $6.50

Baggie holder. Great for freezing left overs, soups & sauces.

Target $4.50

Cups and balls, its the gift that keeps on giving!

Walgreens $6

Even Santa knows that hangovers are no joke.

Walmart - Pack of 4 for $9 (easy to split into FOUR gifts!)

Almost everyman appreciates BBQ sauce, and beer.

Target $6

Silicone brush works great for marinating, basting, brushing butter on corn or bread. Its AWESOME!

Target $2.50

Slinky's are awesome for any age!

I just gave one for a gift exchange and everyone was fighting over it!

Walmart $1 each!

Who doesn't love cuttie little rubber duckies! Great for holiday bathroom decor!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

may "the force" sleep next to you

2010-12-19T14:31:00.000-08:00

Check out my super awesome Star Wars bedside table I made for my bro for Christmas. I'm so proud of my efforts I felt the need to share!

Vader drawers

don't judge my unfinished hardwood floors...

All it took was 4 old Star Wars posters, a used bedside table and a bottle of Mod Podge (the most versatile crafty stuff ever!)

Clean your table.
Fit and cut your posters to where you'd like to place them.
Dip posters in the sink so they're damp. This helps them adhere flat, and causes less bubbling (think applying wallpaper)
Use a small paint brush and apply Mod Podge to the surface, lay down and arrange your picture.
Press out air bubbles with damp wash cloth.
Apply a generous top coat of Mod Podge (don't worry, it dries clear).
Apply 2-4 more coats. Et, voilà! Très jolie!

This was such a super easy project! It took less than an hour. If you try this, I highly recommend using a table that has straight, squared edges. And use a razor blade instead of "trimming" with scissors. I messed up a few times cause my paper stretched a little bit once wet and pressed flat. I didn't follow the rule of "measure twice, cut once". Doh!

What's really funny is that his wife actually was the one who asked for a bed side table for Christmas. Too bad I had this planned out before I got her list!! O.o

a festivus miracle!

2010-12-14T12:53:00.001-08:00

Best commercial I've seen in years...

Random White Elephant Shit Tuesday

2010-12-07T10:54:00.000-08:00

As someone who has to participate in 3 (THREE!) White Elephant exchanges this year (not to mention the 2 "regular" gift exchanges) I was in need of some brilliant inspiration. Unlike some of my friends, I don't have a bevey previous years white elephant gifts to reuse. My friend has a "gorgeous" koi sculpture, that would be... a... centerpiece? ... kitchey bookend?... uhhhh... no idea. So needless to say its been the subject of regifting in her office for the last 6 years.

But for me, I want something awesome... and awful. But not like smelly gym socks awful, but "ohhhhhh my God where the HELL did you find THIS?! awful. After some careful research, this is what I've found, and want to pass the inspiration on to you dear friends :)

Best White Elephant Gifts:

1. Hubcaps for a car no one owns

2. Spam
Preferrably a giant Costco or Sam's Club size

3. Fake chest hair

4. Toilet seat

Tell me this isn't AWESOME!?!

5. The Clapper

6. Edible underwear

7. Old bowling pin

(most bowling alley's will sell old ones for $2-5)

8. A six-pack of really cheap beer.

9. A tourism guide book to Detroit


Or other comparable, un-touristy place

10. Wasabi Lip Balm

www.perpetualkid.com/wasabi-lip-balm

11. Dirt Scented Purfume

12. An Old Calendar

Believe it or not, you can reuse them!
Google "when my 1998 calendar be good again" and you can find out that its good again in 2036!!

13. Rid or Nix Lice Elimination Kit

14. Picture of yourself on a coffee cup!

15. A framed, autographed picture of yourself.

My personal favorite

HAPPY ShOPpiNg!

Ooooooo Sssssss Uuuuuu! OREGON STATE! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!

2010-12-03T22:39:00.001-08:00

New gameday hat... House decked out in Orange lights... ESPN College Gameday is already in town and set up... Begin the countdown to the biggest football game OF THE YEAR!!

My Oregon State Beavers take on No. 1 ranked Oregon (UofO) in Corvallis, ABC @12:30 PST

Watch my Giant Killers take down the D(S)ucks!! I'll be there having the time of my life!! Oooor crying my eyes out getting into drunken fights... Either, or... its bound to be a good one!!!

GO BEAVS!!

that really grinds my gears

2010-12-02T18:54:00.000-08:00

when doing a download search for "Rush" one should not be forced to see this:

Two shows coming up that should be stopped IMMEDIATELY

and

Geez. Kill me now.

its just another metal monday

2010-11-29T08:59:00.000-08:00

God Bless you VH1 Classic, and all your amazingness. Seriously. Where else do you get Metal Mania at 8:22 in the morning, and get to watch these beauties. Its a great way to start the day, I say.

Dude, Kip Winger is a little hottie. I bet he got a lot of ladies back in the day. I totally googled him and came up with this:

There's something about long locks an absurd amount of stomach hair that really do it for me. Moving on...

And honestly VH1, I love all these songs and bands, but I think quite a few of these bands don't really qualify as "metal".

Peace, Love and Long 80's Hair,

wrong in all the right ways

2010-11-28T10:33:00.000-08:00

Hiiiyoooooo!

I finally, FINALLY FINALLY all moved in! And I finally have internet! I'm sure you've all been there. Having moved in, but ~~pacing the floor~~ patiently waiting for the comcast guy to come, to get the internet and cable tv all set up. This must be what a heroin addict feels like, needing a fix. GIMME MY FIX CABLE MAN!!

Whew. The hard part is over now.

So I hope you all had a lovely holiday weekend. We had a big family dinner which is always interesting. Laughing, talking, lots of drama, whispering in one room, filling wine glasses in the next. Ohhhhh family. Isn't passive aggressiveness FUN!?! We took it fairly easy on the wine this year (as opposed to last Christmas when we drank 23 bottles of wine and there were 14 guests, two of whom were children and didn't drink and two were DD's and didn't drink... you do the math! WHOOP!) We did however have a turkey, a ham, elk roast and ANOTHER turkey. Seriously. We were worried about not having any leftovers. WRONG. Oh and not to mention the 15 pounds of mashed potatoes and SEVEN pies. We didn't even touch 2 of them. Ahhh!

On to other news, I now live with two kitties. The cutest kitties I have ever seen. Not so much that they are fluffy and adorable, but that they're INSANE and CRAZY and I love that about them. They are so entertaining :) I've re-named them (because I have no idea what they're names were before) Mischief and Mayhem. And boy do they live up to their names. I have video of Mischief chasing his tail in a tupperware tub. Too funny. But the best part is my mouser Mayhem. He's taken to playing in the bathtub. He likes to play with his fake mousies in the tub, flipping them up and around and pouncing on them. I think he likes that the shower curtain keeps them contained.

So anywhoodle... Cut to Saturday morning... 6:30 am...

*thump*
*thump thump*
*thud*
*thump*
*thud thud*

Sure enough. Mayhem. In the tub. With an actual dead mouse. Throwing it into the air, and attacking it. Kinda gross and kinda awesome at the same time. I let him play with it for another 30 minutes before I disposed of it. With tongs. LONG ass tongs.

But to THIS morning. 3:30 in the freaking am.
*thump*
*thump thump*
squeeeeeeeak!
*thud*
*thump* squeeeeeeeek!!
*thud thud*
squeeeek!

what they do, when i'm not home

Oh yeah. You guessed it. A LIVE mouse. Fucking alive, in my bathtub. Holy crap. I tried to get him to kill it. Meanwhile the other cat kept trying to worm in, and Mischief would grooooooooowl at him. Too funny. And again, kinda gross. I really felt bad for that poor mouse. Panting and panting. Kinda giving up on life, and yet still fighting. I don't have the heart to kill it. So I got my "mouse tongs" which have been officially repourposed and will never again touch food, and remove said victim and take it outside to the burning barrel. Hopefully he died quickly, cause I know there was no hope for the poor little guy.

And thus I leave you. Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend! And hopefully I'll be around a little more again! Love you all!

And here's a special shout out to Dr. Monkey VonMonkerstein, whom I totally forgot to invite to my pretend blog party. OF COURSE you'd be invited!! I'm sorry I was in a rush when addressing my pretend invitations. I just assumed you'd get the invite on facebook ;D
*smooches*

THE drinking rules, part deux

2010-11-23T10:10:00.000-08:00

Some of you may remember a post I did a few months back of THE Drinking Rules

Well a friend of mine passed along a great blog called American Drink in which they posted a similar such post. So good it bared repeating. Here you go!

Rules for My Born Son. And You. by insooutso

1) Be polite and smile your brains out, but let the bartender flirt first. Always provide a number, never ask for one.

2) Decide what you will order on the drive to the bar. Eye contact is key, never wave money to get attention.

3) Vodka and Coke? That better be a joke.

4) If a song is longer than five minutes, save it for the black lights and the basement. If the song is Meatloaf, congrats on your gender reassignment surgery. Your mother and I still love you just the same.

5) Buy someone a drink because you want to drink with that person. It’s a sign of respect and enjoyment. Never do it for the sake of reciprocation and never expect something in return.

6) “Sorry, I was drunk,” is never an excuse. Ever.

7) Never get to the point of throwing up. If it accidentally happens, it better be in the bar bathroom. If you’re in the bathroom, always in the toilet - never in the sink or urinal. If there is mess in any way, shape or form, grab a mop. It is nobody’s job to clean up your bodily fluids. Did your friend throw up? Someone in your party is responsible for clean-up.

8) Friends can talk friends out of driving when they shouldn’t. Real friends listen.

Reoccurring problem? Reevaluate your friendship.

9) Blended drink? You better have sand between your toes, mister.

10) A proper White Russian is made at home. Never trust bar dairy.

11) There is no shame in getting punched if you are conspicuously trying to break up a fight. Fight between two women? Tread lightly, your role could get misconstrued. Additionally, it would be wise to head to another establishment.

12) Never bet on pool.

13) Did they turn up the lights? Go home. Don’t offer to help stock or clean; it looks desperate and you are probably getting in the way.

14) No politics. No religion.

15) It is safer to lick a urinal cake than it is to eat bar-top snack mix.

16) Always know the ingredients. Shots have many different names and chances are that the bartender doesn’t know what it is outside of the normal realm of shots (Bend Me Overs, Red Snappers, et al). If you give him/her the ingredients, there is a strong chance that they even know how to portion it correctly based off of the ingredients chosen. Lots of mixers? You better be ordering a round for the table and not an individual shot.

17) Never drop a drink into a drink. Never light anything on fire. Never slam your shot glass on the bar.

18) Alcohol doesn’t do certain things to certain people. If somebody claims that tequila makes them violent, it’s because they’re a violent person. Simple as that.

19) Make your own toasts. Sentimentality is good. Honesty is good. Poignant is good. Repeating what somebody else said is a quote, not a toast.

20) Compared to life, loss or lock down, cabs are virtually free.

Totally great advice!! I love it!

Serenity Now!! Insanity Later . . .

resolute

I suck at this...

random shit tuesday

a day in the life

I don't wanna grow up, I'm a toys 'R us kid!

'tis NOT the christmas season YET!

Pumpkin Shrugged

Boo!

tips on tipping

There's an app for that!

I'm proud of you, Storm Trooper

bad movies make doves cry

just a thought

persnickety

i'm like martha freaking stewart over here!

you just blew my mind

yes, I am alive!!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

marchy march

coming soon!

hi, my name is debbie downer

blog swap: shittay sports movies!!

ups and downs, highs and lows

yes, i'll take it!

seriously, i just frolicked

tuesday tunes - gonna slap a bitch!!

an update, some self-loathing and a little freaking out

i hate you walmart... a poem

Random Shit Tuesday -- in pictures

wordless wednesday

lollllolololzzzzzz

Super Bowl Sunday

we put birds on things!

RomCom movie review blog swap!

love is a mix tape

another day, another beer, another hangover

wordless wednesday

zufällige sheiße dienstag

mama wants to fit into her skinny jeans!!

shitty movies, and how to avoid them

i'm in here

return

wordless wednesday

long weekend

how to know if you need new glasses...

wordless wednesday

random shizz tuesday

bcs

365 days, is a lot of days...

first gripe of 2011

wordless wednesday

random shizz tuesday 2011!!

i believe.

best thirty seconds of my life!

best of christmastime, no shopping required

its too late to be "nice"

may "the force" sleep next to you

a festivus miracle!

Random *White Elephant* Shit Tuesday

Ooooooo Sssssss Uuuuuu! OREGON STATE! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!

that really grinds my gears

its just another metal monday

wrong in all the right ways

THE drinking rules, part deux

Rules for My Born Son. And You. by insooutso

Random White Elephant Shit Tuesday