officer nolan

Getting out of a ticket -- turns out -- not as easy as getting out of a second date. Nor apparently, are cops as easily manipulated as say, the Dow Jones. But when the po-po pulls you over on your way to your next pharmaceutical sales convention, you need to be ready. Here's a approved practice test.*

Which answer will get you out of a ticket?

1. You pull an illegal U-turn on a two lane road. Freddy Fuzz waddles over and asks for you license and registration.

A: Apologize and promise to never to it again.

B: You explain you have diplomatic immunity. You're an ambassador from the country of Awesome.

C: Cry

2. There's a girl fight happening across town. You're doing 95 on the highway. Carl Copper flashes his lights. You pull over. He asks for license and registration. You:

A: Explain you're dyslexic. You thought you were going 59.

B: You do your duty as a bro and tell him about the fight.

C: Cry.

3. You run a stop sign. Trudy Trooper wants your license and registration. You:

A: Say you thought that sign was for your heart, because that's what it did when you saw her.

B: Hand them over. With your phone number.

C: Cry

---

Answers:

Question 1:

A: Ticket

B: Ticket

C: Ticket

Question 2:

A: Ticket

B: He turns on the sirens and you get there just in time to see the girls yank off their tops and roll into a conveniently placed puddle of mud. Then he writes you a ticket.

C: Ticket

Question 3:

A: Ticket

B: Ticket but also a fun night with handcuffs and a lot of "Yes, Officer!"

C: Ticket and she laughs at you.

*Please note that if you are a hot chick, you will never get a ticket. If you are borderline hot, (we're talking 4-7 out of 10), crying should do the trick.

excerpt from Barney's Blog

the ramada inn

Traveler Tip:

Never climb something higher than the number of cigarettes you smoke in a week.

wet wool

"Fear is a powerful tool. Society uses it to scare us about everything, and to keep us on the track. Family uses it to force to follow their dreams, not our dreams. It took me a long way and I paid a very high price to follow my dream. Why do people try to instigate this fear in everybody? And the best option that we have, is to not respect this unnatural fear and move forward towards our dream."

do you know what it means to have a 'plethora'?

After an argument with an idiot, I'd like to clarify a topic for all...

Even a waterproof sunblock needs to be reapplied. All the waterproof label means is that you'll be protected for approximately 2hrs while you are in/at/on/around/near the water.

As soon as you get out of the water you dry off, which rubs off the sunblock.
You need to reapply after getting out of the water.

Don't believe me? Put on waterproof sunblock, wait 15 minutes (the amount of time recommended before going into the water) and then wade into knee deep water. Watch as your sunscreen washes away in the oil-slicked water.

Also, be sure to get a sunblock that is broad spectrum, meaning it blocks both UVA and UVB rays.

UVA rays cause aging effects.
UVB rays cause burning.

The SPF indicates the time a person can be exposed to sunlight before getting sunburn with a sunscreen applied relative to the time they can be exposed without sunscreen. For example, someone who would burn after 10 minutes in the sun would expect to burn after 500 min if protected by a sunscreen with SPF 50.

Thank you, and go forth and sun yourself!

... red sky in morning, sailors take warning

When I drive home, at 4:30 am, the sky is usually pink with hues of yellow as the sun starts to rise in the east.

Today there was no light. No pink. NO blues. As I was getting out of the car, I saw the sky was light in the opposite direction, in the west, and was more RED than pink. Like, a freaky red.

I sure hope today isn't the zombie apocalypse.