Thursday, March 17

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I write nearly the same post almost every St. Patrick's Day...

"There are only two kinds of people in the world, The Irish and those who wish they were."

God isn't that the truth. I get so sick of people claiming to be Irish on St. Patrick's day. We all know those these douchebags. They're everywhere. And they really seem to crawl out of the woodwork mid-March.

I'm sorry, but unless you have an Irish accent, or parents with an Irish accent, you're fucking American. Do you have a passport from Ireland? No? Then shutthefuckup. Good Lord.

I mean, I'm all for having pride in your heritage. I'm Dutch, Scotch (Scot? Whatever. Scotch just sounds cooler.) and German. But I sure as shit don't go running around in late September (check it, that's when Oktoberfest actually is) yelling how German I am, and kicking up my heels and doing a polka jig in my lederhosen. NO. My great-grandmother was German. That makes me about 1/8th German, and not enough to run around with the German flag on my back. It just makes me love beer. I'm pretty sure its in my genes. But I digress...

Take a look around today and tonight. Listen to the morons. According to the general population, about 86.49% of America claims to be "Irish." Too bad I have to listen to douchebags all day. And no, I don't believe that you always drink Guiness. Drink a fifth of Bushmills, and we'll talk.

Now don't get me wrong. I LOVE St. Patrick's day. I mean, any reason to drink more beer than usual, green or no, is a great day in my opinion. And bars like to make the beer cheaper.

I have no clue where I found the following article, and honestly it was several years ago, so I'm sorry I'm not citing the source. My bad. If anyone finds it, let me know, and I'll cite it as the IAPEC requires. (the Internet Anti-Plagarism Enforcement Committee. Yes I made that up)
Please let me clear up a few blatantly wrong ideas people seem to have about Paddy's day.

Firstly, the next time I meet someone who says that people in Ireland don’t celebrate Paddy’s day in Ireland, I am going to punch them in the face. How people ever got that misguided idea, I don't know.

Almost as bad is the idea that it is celebrated ’better’ in the U.S. Paddy’s day here is fun, no doubt, but at the end of the day all it is is people wearing green and getting drunk. In Ireland it is a national holiday, so no one works or goes to school. It is much more of a family holiday with every little town having a parade to celebrate. It is also a true cultural event with numerous ceili (singing and dancing festivals) and sporting events taking place. Of course there is a wild night of drinking after, but drinking isn't as central to the holiday as it is in the US.

It is PaDDy's day, not
PaTTy's day - I cannot stress enough that seeing it written PaTTy's day makes most real Irish people physically ill.

And as for all the fighting about where Saint Patrick came from etc, historians aren’t eve
n sure if the guy existed for definite, so everyone needs to relax on that score!

Have fun today and tonight, and Cheers! And no pinching, that's for middle schoolers.
Look at me! I'm Irish!!

Tuesday, March 15

marchy march

Yes I'm still alive.


I know I'm a big suck and haven't been super talkative, but i'm really working hard on getting a new job.

Applications, resumes, face-to-face drop-in interviews, and lots and lots of ice cream.

And beer.

Things are going to look up, I know it.

I'm not worried, and I hope you're not either...

Positive attitudes will WIN THE DAY!!

Happy thoughts, I love you all :)

Friday, March 4

hi, my name is debbie downer

Hello dear readers! Debbie Downer here! :D

Yup, that's right. This is officially the second worst week of my life. Second only to the week I got my DUI. Something about being arrested takes the cake. Emotionally I've gone from bursts of tears, hysterical laughter, disbelief and utter depression...

SO- to spare you too much melancholy, I'm just going to give you a bullet point version of my week... seems less traumatic for you that way!

  • Turned down for my old job. Didn't give me a reason why, just said they "wouldn't be rehiring me". THAT was a super blow to the ego. I thought that would be a sure thing.
  • Got an email about the job I interviewed for last week, saying they were going with another candidate. I had a really good feeling after the interview, which makes me think I can't read people at all.
  • Guy who said he was going to buy my car, didn't have the money. Surprise surprise. Relisted Jeep on Craig's List.
  • Went to Wal-Mart to spend the last of this week's money on necessities before my income disappears. Read: Dog food, cat food, toilet paper, coffee (no more Starbucks for me!)
  • Upon return, car wouldn't start in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Burst into tears.
  • Contemplated applying for a job at Wal-Mart while waiting for a ride.
  • Boyfriend finally texted me back, and figured out the fix to my Jeep was easy (loose battery terminal connection), drove home and applied for a job at Wal-Mart.
  • Furnace won't turn on. Thought I had enough oil to last to April, whoops! There's another $300 to get heating oil (which I don't have and have to borrow from Mom)
  • Confirmed that I am not eligible for anymore unemployment extensions. My next to last paycheck is next Wednesday for $390. Then the following Wednesday I'll get my final paycheck of $4. WOO!
So thus far, this week has been amazing. Can you smell my sarcasm? I hope so!

Now, in order to keep myself SANE, I'm going to try to be positive and think some happy thoughts.

Here's a few things I'm thankful for:
  • I live in a house that my parents own and (technically) pay no rent.
  • I can always take on a boarder to help supplement my living expenses (although that's a last resort).
  • I own my car outright, and don't make payments, so it won't get repo'd
  • I will be eligible for a NEW unemployment claim, however its only $150 a week, but its better than nothing.
  • My tax return is en route. Its only $480, but again, its something!
  • There's a freezer at my parents that STOCKED full of food, that I'm more than welcome to steal from if need be.
  • My friends and family, who seem to have more faith in me and my abilities than I do.
So there's my happy thoughts for the day. I appreciate all your kind words too my dear readers and friends. I'm trying really hard to stay positive. And find my happy place!!!

I leave you with this pic, which totally makes me laugh:

Wednesday, March 2

blog swap: shittay sports movies!!

Hello my lovelies!

Its that time of month again, for another Horrible Movie Blog Swap!!  
(Does anyone have a clever title for that? NO? Moving on...)

You can see my review of Surf School over here

This month we reviewed sports movies, and the beautiful and talented and hilarious  
has been good enough to guest post for me. Please enjoy!!

 There comes a time in every person's life when they sit down with their family, or their significant other, or their dog, and they decide to watch a "sports" movie. This could be a football, baseball, Nascar, whatever that fuck kind of movie, but, basically, you're sitting down watching a movie about something you should probably getting your fat ass out there and doing.

And layin' off the potato chips. Just sayin'...

Anyway, that was this month's theme. Sports movies. And lemme tell you, I don't watch many of those bitches, because they are SUPER fucking cheestastic, and I ain't into that.

But I digress.

There was once a time in Christina's life when she was forced to watch this stupid damn race-"horse" movie with a zebra.

That movie was called, Racing Stripes.

Now, I don't want to ruin this movie or the "ending" or whatever for anyone who may want to watch it just to say they watched it, but, basically my review takes at least one thing into account.

You can get maybe five genuine laughs from the movie, on a good day, and that's if you find the particular humor funny. Other than that, you'll mostly be laughing at the atrocious vocal acting, shitty premise, and Hayden Panettiere's lousy ass fake country accent. Of which I should know, because I have the misfortune of possessing a legit southern accent. Fuck yeah...

As if a movie about a zebra who thinks he can be a race horse is bad enough... they give you horrible CGI flies, one voiced by the ever annoying David Spade, that just make you want to grab the nearest flyswatter, or just knock your TV over onto the floor.

And the premise? Dear God the premise! It's ridiculous, even for a family movie. There is NO WAY that a zebra could ever be good enough to race against thoroughbred race horses. It's a *cute* concept, but it's ridiculous, and doesn't lend itself to good dialogue or plot. The training sequences are boring, and the story is so outdone in every other "zero to hero" racing movie that it's blatantly pathetic.

To add insult to injury, the animals fucking talk...

They talk and they don't even say anything funny. Or enlightening. The worst part of that? THERE'S SO MANY QUALITY ACTORS, like Dustin Hoffman and Whoopi Goldberg, but their vocal performances fall tragically short of entertaining. Actually, they don't even get NEAR that mark. They're bland and lifeless.

And someone needs to kill the rooster voiced by Jeff Foxworthy. Just because the fucking movie basically takes place in a fucking redneck setting, doesn't mean you have to CAST JEFF FUCKING FOXWORTHY IN EVERY FUCKING THING BECAUSE HE IS NOT FUCKING FUNNY! GOD DAMN!


But... Hayden is super adorable, and at least she went on to do better shit after this, like Heroes, and, uh...

Yeah, no, basically there was Heroes...