Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I write nearly the same post almost every St. Patrick's Day...

"There are only two kinds of people in the world, The Irish and those who wish they were."

God isn't that the truth. I get so sick of people claiming to be Irish on St. Patrick's day. We all know those these douchebags. They're everywhere. And they really seem to crawl out of the woodwork mid-March.

I'm sorry, but unless you have an Irish accent, or parents with an Irish accent, you're fucking American. Do you have a passport from Ireland? No? Then shutthefuckup. Good Lord.

I mean, I'm all for having pride in your heritage. I'm Dutch, Scotch (Scot? Whatever. Scotch just sounds cooler.) and German. But I sure as shit don't go running around in late September (check it, that's when Oktoberfest actually is) yelling how German I am, and kicking up my heels and doing a polka jig in my lederhosen. NO. My great-grandmother was German. That makes me about 1/8th German, and not enough to run around with the German flag on my back. It just makes me love beer. I'm pretty sure its in my genes. But I digress...

Take a look around today and tonight. Listen to the morons. According to the general population, about 86.49% of America claims to be "Irish." Too bad I have to listen to douchebags all day. And no, I don't believe that you always drink Guiness. Drink a fifth of Bushmills, and we'll talk.

Now don't get me wrong. I LOVE St. Patrick's day. I mean, any reason to drink more beer than usual, green or no, is a great day in my opinion. And bars like to make the beer cheaper.

I have no clue where I found the following article, and honestly it was several years ago, so I'm sorry I'm not citing the source. My bad. If anyone finds it, let me know, and I'll cite it as the IAPEC requires. (the Internet Anti-Plagarism Enforcement Committee. Yes I made that up)

Please let me clear up a few blatantly wrong ideas people seem to have about Paddy's day.

Firstly, the next time I meet someone who says that people in Ireland don’t celebrate Paddy’s day in Ireland, I am going to punch them in the face. How people ever got that misguided idea, I don't know.

Almost as bad is the idea that it is celebrated ’better’ in the U.S. Paddy’s day here is fun, no doubt, but at the end of the day all it is is people wearing green and getting drunk. In Ireland it is a national holiday, so no one works or goes to school. It is much more of a family holiday with every little town having a parade to celebrate. It is also a true cultural event with numerous ceili (singing and dancing festivals) and sporting events taking place. Of course there is a wild night of drinking after, but drinking isn't as central to the holiday as it is in the US.

It is PaDDy's day, not PaTTy's day - I cannot stress enough that seeing it written PaTTy's day makes most real Irish people physically ill.

And as for all the fighting about where Saint Patrick came from etc, historians aren’t even sure if the guy existed for definite, so everyone needs to relax on that score!

Have fun today and tonight, and Cheers! And no pinching, that's for middle schoolers.

Look at me! I'm Irish!!