Thursday, December 31

Happy New Years!

Live from Mt. Bachelor!

stay safe! have fun!

Wednesday, December 30

4 wheel what?

Okay. I understand 4 low and 4 full time (basically all wheel drive, up to but no more than 55MPH).

Can anyone tell me under what conditions you use 4Part time?

I just drove over the pass and have no idea what its for... HELP!

Tuesday, December 29

mystery speaker

This was a note left in the guest bedroom after my cousin left.

He's 13.

I'm pretty sure collin is "colon".

Sunday, December 27


Ohhhh man I love the Lonely Island. They're ri-frickin-diculous!

pass the alka seltzer

Ohhhhh Holiday Insanity!!

I literally spent all day yesterday in my pajamas. ALL DAY. No shower. I rolled out of bed (off the couch as per relatives had invaded my bedroom) and after the fam left I retired to the recliner with laptop and tv at the ready for a day of nothingness. And what a successful day I had!! I ate so many left overs on a 3-4 hour intervals. I'm pretty sure I've gained 10 pounds in the last week. And now that its all over and I feel this weight of stress had been lifted only to be replaced with sort of boredom also know as reality. As Bacon is My Lover so elequently put it "that so-full-it-hurts-to-move feeling makes your depression even worse. I barely feel like moving much less putting together words into coherent thoughts for people to read." Amen sista.

But all in all we had a great holiday. My cousin brought her two kids over on Wednesday and we had lots of catching up to do, over many many bottles of wine. Everyday was greeted with a mild hangover and food to be made and then eaten and more relatives to visit. Christmas eve we had her mother over for clam chowder dinner. I thought the kids were going to get slapped for constantly nagging "can we open one present now?" "what about NOW?" "NOW!!?!" Oh to be a kid again. We let them open ONE gift on christmas eve and they spend half the day finding the perfect one to open. And of course they had to wait until after dinner.

Christmas Day was awesome, again with a mild hangover, which was easily lifted by the corking of the champange. The other two bottles flowed very quickly. Mmmmmmm. Then the rest of the gang came over, and with a house of 14 people we ate. and ate. and ate. (a ham AND a turkey AND 15 pounds of potatoes) and drank. and drank. and drank (4 bottles of champagne, 10 of wine, and a few quarts of eggnog)!!! Oh such good times! We followed dinner with rounds of board games, Apples to Apples is still my favorite ever, but we also gave Pictionary Man a whirl as well as Taboo. Man do the kids love being in charge of the buzzer for Taboo. Love it a little too much actually. Ughhhhh. I really think the highlight of the evening was how many penises were drawn on that pictionary man. How else do you draw the clue of "shaft"??

Which of course was followed up by my lovely Boxing Day activities, mentioned above.

Whew! Its nice to be back to normal, but a little sad too. Mom and I finally have the house put back together, and the silver is almost all polished and put away. Today we're going to watch It's Complicated. I love that Meryl Streep!!

Saturday, December 26

Thursday, December 24

the best way to spread christmas cheer, is singing loud for all to hear

I'm sufficiently hungover today, and yet I can't wait to make a fresh batch of eggnog!

The gifts are nestled safely under the tree, and are being eyeballed by the kids (who are not allowed to touch or shake them although several have been weighted, or marbles added to the box to throw off their sneaky snooping efforts!) Now stop reading my blog and go make some cookies, or watch A Christmas Story, or make conversation with your Uncle Bob!

Merry Christmas!

even Moto is feeling festive

Monday, December 21

a year in review, according to the "Book"

A fancy review of all my status updates from the Fb from the last year, all purdy like. There were some pretty funny ones. And a lot of depressing ones. I tried to pick the highlights for your amusement. Thanks to FaceBook for keeping such good records...

(click on the picture to see it larger)

Friday, December 18

the frugal gourmet

Ya, thats right. Thats a box of wine carcass. It has been gutted and is being squeezed to the last drop. My mom, the eternal frugal gourmet. :)

Thursday, December 17

love liberates

I'm wrap wrap wrapping my presents, listening to SNL's greatest Christmas moments, featuring "Martha Stewart's Home for the Holidays, Topless Special" giggling to myself, and I still can't get the events of this afternoon out of my head.

I was in the checkout line at Target, waiting for a financially challenged, govermentaly assisted, twenty years past over the hill lady to write her check for her 2 cases of toilet paper. After the ink finally dried and she was able to tear the check out, and exchanged it for the receipt and started to leave. The sales girl smiled and said "Merry Christmas!" and the woman said "Oh, I'm so glad you said that! Merry Christmas! None of this Happy Holidays rubbish." To which the girl replied, "Oh I don't say that. I ONLY say Merry Christmas!" (said with an overabundance of disdain).

Oh. My. God. It was all I could do to keep my mouth shut. Howwww I wanted to slap them both. Or at least unload on them. But I asked myself, "What would Jesus do?" Hahahaa, no, but really? Their conversation offended me more than any Happy Holidays could have ever offended them. Really? Are you so full of yourself, so disrespectful to others, that you're proud to be closed minded?

I'm not terribly religious. However, I do believe in a higher power, and I do believe that the teachings of Jesus are a wonderful thing. The actual teachings of Jesus. Principles such as forgiveness, caring, compassion, empathy and love. Not of superiority, exclusivity, arrogance or contempt. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for saying, Merry Christmas, or Happy Holidays, or Happy Kwanzaa, or Happy Hanukkah, or whatever tickles your fancy. As long as you mean it from the heart with all sincerity, it don't care what you say to me. I understand the meaning that is untended, not reading literally into your words. "Oh, she said Merry Christmas, she must mean Fuck You Jews!" Right. Does anyone actually think that? I doubt it. But again saying "Happy Holidays" doesn't mean "Suck it Jesus!" *Sigh* Am I making sense here? Just the fact that she was talking about she on purpose says "Merry Christmas" instead of anything else seemed just so rude. Why are we talking about it? Really? It seems the same to me as saying "Good Night!" or "Eat it you stupid retail whore, get out of my store, my shift is almost over, Fuck you very much for coming in 5 minutes before we closed, asshole!" Oh--sorry, 10 years of retail coming out of me.

But I digress... Why can't we just embrace the good things about each other and forget about the bad things? Why do we need to focus on our differences? You're different, you must be bad, and therefore, I will shun you and all of your beliefs. We have so much to learn about each other, I just can't wrap my head around intolerance. Its just insane!!

My favorite author Paulo Coelho said it best in his book The Fifth Mountain:
"Do you see the Mountain? From whichever side you look, it appears different, though it is the same mountain. Thus it is with all of creation: many faces of the same God."
And now, on a lighter note, my stocking stuffer recommendation for anyone on your Christmas list, for young AND old...

TALLBOYS!!! They fit so neatly into any stocking (and help fill it up so you don't have to get so much of that fattening candy. Ewwwwww. ;D

Wednesday, December 16

district 9

I just finished watching an AMAZING movie.

District 9. Seriously. Amazing. I can't get it out of my brain how great it was. It doesn't matter if you're not a sci-fi fan, or a lover of alien movies, its just A GREAT MOVIE!! WOW!! Its a fantastic commentary on compassion, or lack thereof, that is capable by we humans. It really shows the good, the bad and the ugly. But don't worry, it won't leave you feeling void of all hope (which I thought was going to happen, and in the first 15 minutes I was already rooting for the aliens to just blow up the whole Earth). But keep watching, and you will be mindblown! Good. Very very good.

Check out the trailer: District 9

Luckily I have "connections" at the video store and got to watch it today. For the rest of humanity (or those of you who actually pay money to rent your videos legitimately) it is available on Tuesday!!

Tuesday, December 15

snuggle up

Isn't she the cutest old dog around? She can barely get on the bed anymore cause her knees are so bad. I just couldn't resist snapping this picture this morning. Fast asleep at the crack of eleven thirty am!

Monday, December 14

ch- ch- ch- chia!

Item numero dos that I don't want for Christmas. President head chia pets. And only $18.95!!! What a bargain! Washington? Check. Lincoln? Check. Obama? Check. And of course lady liberty herself.

Oh-- and I walked by my not-so-dream present of the last supper. I got the price wrong. Its FOUR HUNDRED EIGHTY FUCKING DOLLARS!

run run as fast as you can..

93 cookies! 2 pounds of powdered sugar.. 4 shades of food coloring.. 2 bottles of sprinkles.. 5 mugs of eggnog with bourbon.. One glass of red wine.. One bratwust with mustard.. And a partridge in a pear tree!!

Saturday, December 12

its the gift that keeps on giving

Number one on the list of things I don't want for Christmas...

this (ever so lovely) 2x4' stained glass rendering of the last supper. For the low, low price of $480. Don't get me wrong, I do feel like a better Christian looking at it, and probably would be a better one for owning it. But I think someone else is truly deserving of this great work of *cough* art.

Do people actually buy this stuff? Wait-- No-- I take that back... of course they do. Probably the same people who buy Princess Diana memorabilia or those weird President Obama commemorative plates.

I'm thinking of buying myself a massage. Now THAT'S the gift that keeps on giving.

Friday, December 11

my unconquerable soul


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

~William Ernest Henley
I love those last two lines. I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul. Ever since I saw the Invictus Movie trailer I've been digging the poem. And the movie as well. And now of course I'm digging this:

It is numero uno on my Christmas list.

You have officially been dugged.

Thursday, December 10

outta the road junior

Maybe its just me, but I hate school zones.

Forgive me if you have children and are truly offended by these words. But I've yet to get grace this world with a mini-me, so let me rant.

How does this make sense? The entire school yard is surrounded by fencing. Chain link fencing. And sometimes theres some sort of barb wire at the top, so i'm sure these little monsters aren't getting out that easily. So whyyy is it that we have to drive TWENTY FUCKING MPH when we pass the school? Not only do they have to hop the damn fence to get into the street, but shouldn't we be, I don't know say, teaching our kids to not play in the road?

Hey tommy. Cars are fast. And heavy. You are not that fast. You will lose. Get out of the street.

Pretty simple wouldn't you say?

The thing that makes me the most irritated is when the school zone isn't ever NEAR the school. Its something like four blocks away, but heaven forbid Jr. wants to use a cross walk on the way home and if you're in the same zip code from 8am to 4pm you have to SLAM on your breaks just in case you see a youngster.

Maybe we should be weeding out the stupid and slow anyway. Perhaps deepen up the gene pool a bit? Ya, watch out, I'm gunning for your kids. OUT OF THE ROAD!! BEEP! BEEP!

And don't get me started on these signs. It literally makes me want to speed up. Literally.

baby it's cold outside

HOOOOOOOLY CRAP! 9 is a bit "chilly". seriously folks.

But why is it that all winter, my fellow Oregonians complain about the rain, and the dreary, and the cold, and the fog and the gray? Then suddenly, its 20 degrees (or tonight's low of 9) but SUNNY, BRIGHT FUCKING SUNNY and everyone complains?

My facebook today had 8 status updates regarding complaints about the weather. Now don't get me wrong. Its FUCKING COLD. However, once you get past oh say, 20 degrees it all feels the same. -5, 0, 10, 15... (back me up Christie? its what -8 in Fairbanks?) Yesterday I went to the woods to get a tree and in town it was 28, and up in the mountains it was 18. It felt the same, if not warmer in the woods. So my point is, cold is cold. But once it gets to be what I deem as OH SHIT ITS FUCKING COLD out, any colder is just over kill. (Take THAT mother nature, in yo face!)

Anyway, I like the sunshine. Keep the cold a'comin. Me Likey!

Tuesday, December 8

o tannenbaum

Sometimes I'm just lazy. L.A.Z.Y. This usually involves showertime. I'm honestly not a huge sweater (no, I don't mean the wool kind). And sometimes I just don't feel like taking a shower.

The main reason I don't want to take a shower, is because it takes "too long" in my weird opinion. I feel its just easier to get dressed, run a brush through my hair and then be on with my day. What's really funny is that I only take about 15 minutes from shower to finished. What's even funnier is, I honestly think I take LONGER to get ready when I don't shower.

Extra/fresh deoderant. Change all my clothes down to my scibbies. Brush my hair. Attempt to fix my hair from the attrocities that my sleep patterns have inflicted upon it. Lotion. Reapply makeup. I've never actually timed myself, but I just realised today I think it takes me longer. Ohhhhhhh me.

I hope you enjoyed Tuesday's Randomness.

Now onto activities!!

Today I finally decided to try to pry myself out of this anti-holiday funk I've been in. Thanksgiving is officially over, the pumpkins are starting to rot. The civil war has passed as well, which I think was a big hold-up for my Christmas Cheer delay. So today mom and I went to get our Christmas Tree.

Mom and I bundled up, since its been a balmy 25 for the last week, and for december in oregon that's FRIGGIN FREEZIN. "We were kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols." No, not one of the stupid ties with the santa clauses on it either. A Tree.

My friend had just gone up the previous weekend and told us about a great spot off Moose Creek Drive, off logging road 720 (shout out to my Cascadia peops). Well after 2 hours of driving, we decided that one of the two hundred "cute little guys" that we had driven by would do the job just nicely, we turned around.

Mom's had some troubles with her knee lately, so I treked off up the path with my saw in hand and walked about 19 feet and cut down the first tree I saw. (patience was wearing a wee bit thin at this point). I nominated this one to be my brother's and hiked up another 10 feet and whacked down the next one. And by "whacked" I mean I sawed on that bastard for nearly twenty minutes. Once complete we strapped those bad boys on board and headed home.

And of course, the genius that I am, I was sure that the tree we picked out would be perfect. It looked like the perfect size in the woods. Next to all the other 15 foot trees. HAHAAA! So after I did a measuirng of our mere 9 ft ceilings I practiced my lumberjacking skills once again to perform major truck reduction surgery. Another 20 minutes of sawing, steadying, adjusting, tree falling, readjusting, trimming branches, readjusting, and voilà! She was ready!!

The funniest part of all, was after the tree was ready and watered and lights strung, I noticed she started leaning. A little more. A little more. And a little more. Ever so subtle. Cheeky monkey.

So to fix this problem without starting entirely over, we affixed some fishing line from the tree to the buffet. How ingenious of me!

I'm like maguyver!

Saturday, December 5

at least YOU got gas!

today's blog is a tossup between an ridiculously funny story, and my 2009 Christmas Letter.
No? Why so quiet?
Okay, survey says, we'll go with the funny story.

So yesterday I go to get some gas. Pull up to the Chevron station, park, roll down the window. The guy comes up, looks a little scruffy, has some weird red stuff on his lip but I don't think much of it. I hand him my credit card, tell him to fill it. He does his thing, and hands me back my card. Its freeeeezing outside so I roll my window back up and wait. After about a minute I notice that there's no hose in my car. I'm just sitting there. I turn the key to engage the engine and my gas gauge stays at a quarter of a tank, where I was when I first rolled in.

Now I'm pretty hung over and thinking, "okaaay, no gas. weird. what's going on? where is the guy? was I declined? what's happening?"

I roll my window down and continue to look around, bewildered. Then the guy comes back and asks "What can I do for you?"


Me: I just gave you my card, you took it, and gave it back. But you didn't put any gas in.
Him: If I took your card, I know I gave it back.
Me: No, no, no that's not it. I have my card here (holding it in my hand). You just didn't put any gas in. I just need gas.
Him: Oh well I didn't take your card if you didn't get any gas
I just need you to fill it with regular (handing card over again)
Him: Okay, no problem. (comes back gives me my card, walks off)

Okay, at this point I'm totally confused, replaying the conversation in my head over and over. Then I look back to my tank, and THERE'S STILL NO FUCKING HOSE IN MY CAR.

Now I'm really starting to lose my shit. No hose. Looking for the guy. No hose. Looking for the guy. What the fu-- What is ha-- Am I insane? What-- I-- No hose-- Credit card-- No gas-- Crazy -- I-- Wha--

THENNNN he comes back! "How can I help you?"

Now I am blowing my gourd. Whaaaat is going on. Seriously. I make ANOTHER attempt at getting gas. Tell him he just helped me, and that I needed gas. I am really about to have an aneurysm. I think there's no fucking way this is happening. WHAT THE SHIT?!???!?

Again, takes card, returns card, then walks off. NO HOSE. NO GAS.

Then all of a sudden a fireman walks up to him and puts his hand on his back. This is right in front of my hood. He pats him softly and motions to his mouth. Perhaps the red stuff was blood? The EMT seems to think so. He then walks Super Joe Gas Attendant off to the hospital or the loony bin or whatever.

I am somewhat soothed by this operation and decide to get the fuck out of there. I don't know if they guy fell and hit his head, or is just crazy in general. My fragile hungover mind can't handle anymore shenanigans. I jump out hit the "cancel" button 39 times and close up my gas tank. I'll be getting my gas from elsewhere.

Tuesday, December 1

going mental

My life isn't always what I expect or want, so I have a tendency to read funny books. David Sedaris couldn't write books fast enough for me. Why can't he be more like Stephen King and crank a book out 3 times a year? Ahhhhh well.

I just finished this book and highly recommend it. I love reading how people's lives are more messed up than mine. And how they are able to laugh at it. Which helps me realize that nobody's life is all sunshine and roses, even if that's how they portray it.

Here's a couple funny tidbits from the book I wanted to share...
Irritated by my mother's ridicule,I rip open a package of Oreos that she's attempted to hide behind t he lettuce. I keep count while I eat them, and after knocking off an entire row, I don't trust myself to stop and throw t he remainder in the garbage. I even spray the leftover cookies with Lemon Pledge to avoid the temptation of retrieving them from the trash later on.

Seriously, who hasn't been there?!?

His lipless mouth, turned up at the corners, projected to the eye of the beholder either an aura of judgmental calm or of creepy mischievousness.

And my personal favorite, which rings all too true...

Part of the problem is that everyone ... wants a guy which a good sense of humor, but also wants a guy with "no emotional baggage," as if you could have one without the other. Let's be clear: if a guy's witty, he's got a Samsonite filled with issues. And i f he's a laugh riot, he's got a steamer trunk with decals of where he's been -- depression, suicide, addiction. Humor doesn't just come with baggage; its the matching cosmetics case that completes the set.

Everyone run to Borders and buy this book. It was buy one get one 50% off when I was there.

OH, and to my faithful reader(s) I've fixed the comment problem. I think you should be able to comment with no probs now.

Happy December!!

Saturday, November 28

Not-So-Civil War

The Civil War
5 More Days!!!

Battle for the Rose Bowl
I Can't Wait!


Friday, November 27


My life is honestly in complete disarray.

I'm unemployed. I'm 31. and I live with my parents. I also just last night broke up with my boyfriend. Or rather, he broke up with me. Either way, I'm not really happy about it. But we're still working on it... I think.

My point is, I feel like a giant loser, and honestly most of this year has pretty been on par with it. I can't wait for 2009 to be over.

Don't get me wrong, I know I have a lot to be thankful for. But you know how easy it is to start wallowing in your own self pity. Recently I've just felt that there are a lot more check marks in the "things I'm pissed out about" column, than the "things I'm grateful for" column. Sad, no?

To prevent my further wallowing in self-pity I will try to come up with 20 things I am truly thankful for, sorry its a day late. Sue me.

  1. The fact that I do at least get unemployment every week. (some money is better than no money)
  2. Music
  3. My iPod
  4. The new Lady GaGa album
  5. Friends who will call random people from high school to come get you when you are stranded in another state and need a ride
  6. Long distance friendships that stand the test of time (and distance)
  7. My mom, for many reasons. But for sure knowing that if I ever get married and get divorced, that she will be ON MY SIDE no matter what happened. Or how big of an ass/idiot/fool I was
  8. The badass pumpkin cheese cake that I made and is helping me get through the last few days
  9. TV shows that entirely take you out of your reality for the whole 30 minutes (Bones)
  10. Ex-boyfriends who randomly send you a message the same day you break up with your current boyfriend, only to tell you how awesome you were and that they were sorry they were an ass to you.
  11. Sparkling Apple Cider, the best remedy for a wine hangover
  12. Flannel Sheets with reindeer on them
  13. Not having had the swine flu like your poor baby brother (yet, knock-on-wood)
  14. Côtes du Rhône wines
  15. Eggnog
  16. Libraries
  17. Comedians who truly make me laugh, everytime (Kathy Griffin, David Cross, Chelsea Handler)
  18. Birth control. And the fact that I don't have a child in the clusterfuck that is my current life.
  19. Europe, and that its always there waiting for me to come back.
  20. Dogs who always just seem to know when you need them to lay their head on your lap

Tuesday, November 24

love & other burning sensations

its funny how emotions can sneak up on you. it doesn't take much. a song, or a story, or even talking about pizza.

I'll be the first to admit that my love life has never been a strong suit of mine. But I'd always thought that my friendships were something I could always depend on. Always there, no matter what. I guess I always think that way because that's the kind of friend I am.

But here I am, in this situation. I've slowly lost friends to their love lives before. Its never something you get used to, and no matter how many times it happens, and you always hope its the last.

I lost my best friend Travis to a jealous girlfriend/now wife who at some point decided that she hated me, and that Travis and I should never really hang out a gain. Granted, I can still see Trav when I visit him at work, but we all know its not the same.

My best friend Ben disappeared when he started dating his lady friend/now fiancee Tara. Don't get me wrong, there's no animosity there on either side, but he's still pretty much disappeared from my life.

And now to make matters worse Travis and Ben are now basically best friends. Friends because of ME. And now they're better friends with eachother than either of them are with me. And of course their ladies are becoming fast best friends. I'm happy for them and their friendship, but it still stings, a lot.

And now my best friend Ester has done the same thing. Disappeared. Gone. I've called and emailed and basically stalked her, only to find out she had gotten engaged. ENGAGED!! Thanks for telling me right when it happened supposed best friend. I mean... really??!?

What is it about being a couple the makes you think you can never spend time with single friends? I don't get it. I never thought I'd be here, friends lost to coupledom. But here I am, still here, still single. Why do I have to be punished for not settling for someone or not settling down (not that any of my friends are settling, but they are settling down.) I just wish I understood this phenomenon.

And the worst thing of all, in my opinion, is that my former best friends now have children, and their children don't even know me. That point really, really hurts.

I've come to the point of, how hard do I have to try to keep this relationship together? I call, try to make plans and we'll sometimes hang out. But almost NEVER to they call me to make plans. "Are you coming over? Want to go see a movie?" Nope. Its always the safe-zone of the bar and karaoke, where its easy to talk to me in passing and not spend too much time with me. And as the lady friends gossip with each other never speaking to me. The giant elephant in the room we all try not to talk about. Sometimes I feel like the elephant. So yeah, that's great fun. I love spending time with my friends, but its just not the same.

Sometimes I wonder if its something I've done. Have I chosen bad friends for them to desert me like this? Is this a choice I've made? Have a done something wrong for them to leave my life? Am I just supposed to be settled down now? Do I attempt to mend this somewhat broken friendships? or just move on since they aren't putting as much in as I am? at what point do you just give up?

Monday, November 23

carry-on cravings

I get it. The airlines need to make more money. Bag check is no longer free. We are forced to carry and lug our baggage through the airport for sometimes hours on end. And yet, the bathroom stalls stay the same size.

Attempting to navigate the Phoenix airport I contemplated this. Have you been in this situation?

How are you expected to wheel your carry on bag in behind you, maneuver yourself around so you can shut the door, then re-maneuver yourself to the toilet to do your business??! There's just NO ROOM!

You aren't allowed to park your bag outside and therefore leave your bag "unattended" and yet its physically impossible to get the feat done without looking insane. I once parked my bag and stepped over it, and nearly fell into the bowl itself. That would have made for a lovely flight.

OH! And since when is Southwest first-come-first-served seating?!? It would have been nice if they had ANNOUNCED this fact. Grrrrr

Thursday, November 19

Boo Fucking Radley

Greetz from AZ!

I'm currently here in Casa Grande Arizona visiting my bestie pal. We're having lots of funtastic times, and some ridiculous laughs. One of these in which I nearly injured myself laughing took place yesterday afternoon.

My friend does not have, what you might call, "An Awesome Car." He drives an '86 school bus yellow Fiero. WHOOO! Needless to say, he bought it cause it looked cool, not because it was in good shape. Since he's owned it he's had 2 flat tires, including one in which he didn't know he had had a blowout and drove for almost an hour on the flat. Nice work huh?

So yesterday afternoon we're cruising along and all of a sudden we heard a loud noise coming from the back and I started yelling, PULL OVER! GET OFF THE ROAD!! We stopped and got out to behold yet a third flat tire. Well the treads were starting to rip off, something that I'd never actually seen a tire do. Leave it to John to somehow make tires do magical things.
After John spent a good 5 minutes swearing, he commenced with changing the tire. What proceeded was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Lying on the ground he was trying to crank the jack up and his legs were flailing around, up and down, side to side, with random cursings coming from below the car. I just had to sit down to try to contain myself, but finally I just lost it. The situation was funny enough, but after seeing his legs convulsing from under the car while he sputtered swears I coldn't stop. I laughed OUT LOUD, and HARD for a good 10 minutes. He kept yelling at me that it wasn't that funny, but I literally couldn't stop. Then he started laughing and was again mad because he really couldn't jack up the car while giggling histerically.

So finally he got the car jacked up and the tire changed went pretty much as usual. I still would just burst into laughter ever 5 minutes or so becuase I just couldn't help myself.

He looks so manly doesn't he?!?

" Boo Fucking Radley! Does HE know how to change a tire?!!"
is what he yelled as he held up the culprit
The finished product. Finally we were back on the road again. But even afterwards we would just bust out laughing randomly, pretty much for the rest of the day. Its just one of those things that you can't believe happened, are really mad about the situation, but can't NOT find the humor in it.
I of course was no help at all. I've seen tires changed before, but never actually done it myself. And thank goodness I've never had to. Knock on wood.

Thursday, November 12

For Boston! For Boston!

For Boston, for Boston, we sing our proud refrain!
for Boston, for Boston, 'tis wisdom's earthly fane!
for here are all one, and our hearts are true
and the towers on the heights, reach the heavens own blue.
for Boston, for Boston, 'til the echoes ring again!

Oh man, its Thursday and I'm finally writing about last weekend. Ahhhhh well, time flies when you're unemployed...

Last weekend I went to Bend to visit some friends and watch the Dropkick Murphys(my 5th time seeing them)! One of my favoritestest bands EVERRRR! Unless you've been living under a rock, you surely know their song form The Departed, "Shipping up to Boston." But that is just one of their many many awesome songs!

But as usual the show didn't disappoint. They played over an hour and a half of great songs. I was rocking and jumping around, fists in the air, screaming at the top of my lungs. Hair was wet with sweat sticking to my face, and I never slowed down. I remember at one point thinking "I'm totally going to pass out!" Too much screaming and jumping, being out of breath... whoops! But I survived and just had an amazing time.

Afterwards we found the rest of our group outside in the 20 degree weather, which with my sweat drenched clothes did not combine well. Yesterday and today I've had a bit of a cold, but again, totally worth it. That's what NyQuil is for, right?!? And of course I had the usual 3 days of mild deafening to the world mixed with ringing in the ears. Oi! Oi! Oi!

Tuesday, November 3

FUBAR Finger


First and foremost, FUBAR means F*ed Up Beyond All Recognition. And my finger is FUBAR. I dont think it will ever be the same. Ever. It just makes me sad. *tear* I can't straighten it all the way, and I'm farrrrr from being able to make a fist. It is making progress, but it is definitely crooked. Crooked!! And it makes me very very sad, because I know that will never go away. Boo.

This is me straightening all my digits

It continues to curve like this when I bend it too :(

Now on to the weekend. And what a glorious and UNeventful weekend. Some people might enjoy a laid-back, relaxed weekend. But finding myself with laid-back, relaxed weekdays, I long for a bit more action come post-Friday.

Halloween is my FAVORITE holiday. And this year, it was....... lackluster. Granted, nothing going on means no drama, which in itself is always a good thing. Buuuuut, I didn't really celebrate my favorite holiday at all. Booooooo sad. No dressing up, unless you count a Duck fan. And that's enough to make me vomit. Scary huh?

Me and my cousin, the über duck fan

Saturday was filled with college football, which is never a bad thing. My beavers won, barely, but weren't on tv. And I got to go to a lovely Duck game, in which they killed USC. That was quite a sight to see, but I really just couldn't get into the game. It just feels wrong to root for Oregon. I still had fun with friends and family, but a festive halloween it did not make.

Oregon fans rushing the field at Autzen stadium after beating USC 47-20

I hope all of you had a glorious weekend, and got to dress up, and ate lots and lots of candy!!

Wednesday, October 28

cast be gone!

Oh heavens to Betsy, I feel so behind.

First off - let me say this - THE CAST BE GONE!! WOOOOoooO! I type this to you using all ten fingers (more or less). My finger is still broken, but the doctor is now letting me practice moving it around, which the instruction of "if it hurts, dont do it." Wow, I'm so glad I have you and your $100,000 education around to tell me the obvious.

After one day of movement, here's what we've got so far:

MY FIST! Hhahahaa. Well making a fist is the finished result, but I think this isn't too shabby. Getting some finger bending. Most of the time, it doesnt hurt, it just literally won't bend. Too stiff. Which is why Mr. MD wanted me to start moving it. Joints like to freeze up if you dont move them and keep them internally lubed up (so to speak).

Um, what else? Weekends have been pretty low key cause im running out of cash. Still no unemployment money to speak of YET, but I got a call today, and wheels are in motion. Lowe's has until Monday to dispute my discharge, which they won't. Then they can finally cut me a check. Yipee!! Then I will "officially" be on unemployment, after 4 glorious weeks.

Honestly, the leather arm chair is starting to get a permanent Anne shaped ass print. However I did finally today, sans cast, go for a run. A half-hearted jog/walk combo, but still fresh air and exercise nontheless.

Well its 4pm, and Law and ORder is finally on. Woo!! Perhaps some pumpkin carving tonight =)

Monday, October 19

Saturday, October 17

drunk texts

FWD: Im trying babby. In drunken fcunk.

After many generous, and usually unsolicited texts from some of my friends, I've decided to start a section called "drunk texts"

We've all had them, and they're usually pretty awesome.

I know I've woken up hungover a few times in my day and scrolled through my outbox hoping to God to not find something utterly embarrassing.


Wednesday, October 14

seattle's best 2; combover's revenge

This last weekend I voyaged on up north to Seattle for a wedding. I had a great time with my new beau Shaun and met lots of his friends. The wedding (an old childhood friend of his) was at getting hitched at this great little place right on the water, ceremony and reception at the same place. Breakfast/Brunch buffet was there and was delish! And.. what every wedding must have, OPEN BAR.

Here, I have chronicled my thoughts and musings from the celebration.
  • When exchanging vows, please, HOLD HANDS!
  • Father of the bride was rocking the most awesome comb over ever! I mean, guys, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE FOOLING?!? *sigh* Not at my wedding. We'll be checking for that at the door.
  • When allowed to wander my mind can be a hilarious thing. "... in the name of the Father, of The Son, and of the Holy Spigot--er-Spirit." Thanks Monty Python.
  • Wedding DJ's, please never play Queen's "We Will Rock You." First of all you can't dance to it. And secondly, what does that even mean? At a wedding?!?

Shaun is a little camera shy, this is the best I could get. :) And my finger is still wrapped in the super awesome cast/splint. Just went to the orthopaedist tues and took more x-rays (sans insurance) and was told 2 more weeks in the stupid thing. Boo.

awesome sauce

--Maurice Sendak

when asked whether Spike Jonze's movie based on his book Where the Wild Things Are is too scary for kids in a Newsweek interview.

Friday, October 9

hungry for more

Traditional Irish Cabbage Potato Chuck Roast

14 sticks of butter
Pinch of salt
Seven hundred potatoes
2 pounds chuck roast beef

Boil together in large pot until all flavor is gone. Serve hot.

Thursday, October 8


Well, its officially official. I'm unemployed. For the first time since, well, ever I have no job. WTF?!? you may say. Well I agree. WTF indeed.

My wonderful ex-employer Lowe's Distribution Center (they fired me, no more anonimity for them) took absolutely no pity on me due to my broken finger. Its quite a convoluted story, but I trust you can all follow.

In order to be eligible for FMLA I have to be with the company for 6 months. Which is next wednesday. Yes I was 8 days away (not even work days, but calendar days) from my 6 month marker. So basically they told me to GO HOME every night, and thus making me have unexcused absences. I even had a note from my doctor saying I COULD WORK, and they still sent me home. How does that work?!? And at Lowe's once you have 10 occurrances (unexcused absences) you are terminated.

So instead of letting me take unpaid time off to heal, or let me work with my cast on since I had been medically released, they chose to fire me.

Bitter? Slightly. Angry? Just a touch.

Honestly I pretty much hated my job, but I Loved the people I worked with. I was just starting to make some really great friends, hanging outside of work, not to mention my cute work crush. So honestly I think its for the best. I hope to ride the unemployment train for a month or so doing Lord knows what. A lot of facebooking I suspect. But still, I'm bitter. And not to mention that I have a broken bone, and soon to have no insurance. Suck. Senators, don't fail me now!!

This is my cool pumpkin patch on the farm across the street.
This picture of a sea of orange did make me feel better today :)

Oh, and I downloaded a new album from a fantastic artist called Melody Gardot, My One and Only Thrill. Sort of slow, jazz influenced. I really like it. Check it out! :)

Sunday, October 4

butter fingers

had another fun filled weekend!
Last friday we instituted flag football friday in the park. Just some pals from work, having a great time, being out of shape, and throwing a football, pretending to have skillz.

This friday was part deux only this time in the rain.

First play of the game (i shit you not) I go to pull a flag from a girl. thumb and index finger on the flag, ring ringer slides inside her pocket unbeknownst to me, and as I pulled the flag, my finger was caught in her pocket. BAM! Ouch! well, that stings a bit...

So as my finger began to swell, and ache, I thought... hmm... this sucks.

2 hours later, i cant bend or straighten my finger. LUCKILY I took my ring off about an hour earlier.

Of course I had plans to see zombieland, so I taped 'er up and went to see it. Which by the way, was an amazing movie. But back to the topic at hand...

Finally get to urgent care, right before they closed, and wouldn't you know it?

yup. Broken.

Also, went to a Uof O football game. Was lots of fun tailgating and hanging out with the family. Also went with my work crush Shaun. So much fun. Even if washington state was crushed. And I didn't wear yellow. Nope. Not at all. Nononono no. You cant prove anything.

I also discovered that my new phone takes AMAZING pictures! Like this one...

Now i must take another vicodin as i am tired of peck typing with that claw of a hand pictured above. ;)