who wants guacamole?!

The guacamole is made with love.
Each batch has a little bit of me in it...
...beacuse I've cut myself on this stupid sharp tomato knife,
and am now bleeding...
Shhhhhhhh! :)

Was that a haiku?

twitter and life without parole

what the shit?

First of all... I signed up for Twitter. *ughhhhh* After months (years?) of talking crap about it, I finally caved. I feel like one of those people who is just now signing up for Facebook. Whatever, don't judge me. Its purely for blogging purposes! So now, go follow me, cause I'm funny.

Secondly, let me freak out about this. Summary; An eleven year-old (now 12) boy is being tried as AN ADULT for the shooting of his dad's pregnant fiance.

Yes, I think this kid has some serious issues, and there has been some parenting completely gone wrong in this story. But an adult?! Really?! This kids life is now over because of one mistake he made. I know, murder is a HUGE DEAL, but he's only fucking eleven!!

I know Dave Chappelle has talked about this before too... but I'm going to say it again. A 15 year-old girl wasn't "mature enough" to consent to being peed on by R. Kelly. A 17 year old-girl isn't "mature enough" to consent to having sex with her 18 year-old boyfriend. And yet, this 11 year-old is old enough to comprehend the complexities of committing murder? How does this make sense? Its just an INSANE double standard.

I'm not saying I have all the answers, but it just seems WRONG to end this child's life. PRISON. WITHOUT THE POSSIBILITY of parole. Ever? He'll be 40 and not even have a chance at life? 50? I mean, I know that probably he will get paroled, considering the immense overcrowding in the prisons (probably because we're trying 11 year-old's as adults) but, *sigh* anyway...

What. The. Fuck.

its the gift that keeps on giving

Number one on the list of things I don't want for Christmas...

this (ever so lovely) 2x4' stained glass rendering of the last supper. For the low, low price of $480. Don't get me wrong, I do feel like a better Christian looking at it, and probably would be a better one for owning it. But I think someone else is truly deserving of this great work of *cough* art.

Do people actually buy this stuff? Wait-- No-- I take that back... of course they do. Probably the same people who buy Princess Diana memorabilia or those weird President Obama commemorative plates.

I'm thinking of buying myself a massage. Now THAT'S the gift that keeps on giving.

outta the road junior

Maybe its just me, but I hate school zones.

Forgive me if you have children and are truly offended by these words. But I've yet to get grace this world with a mini-me, so let me rant.

How does this make sense? The entire school yard is surrounded by fencing. Chain link fencing. And sometimes theres some sort of barb wire at the top, so i'm sure these little monsters aren't getting out that easily. So whyyy is it that we have to drive TWENTY FUCKING MPH when we pass the school? Not only do they have to hop the damn fence to get into the street, but shouldn't we be, I don't know say, teaching our kids to not play in the road?

Hey tommy. Cars are fast. And heavy. You are not that fast. You will lose. Get out of the street.

Pretty simple wouldn't you say?

The thing that makes me the most irritated is when the school zone isn't ever NEAR the school. Its something like four blocks away, but heaven forbid Jr. wants to use a cross walk on the way home and if you're in the same zip code from 8am to 4pm you have to SLAM on your breaks just in case you see a youngster.

Maybe we should be weeding out the stupid and slow anyway. Perhaps deepen up the gene pool a bit? Ya, watch out, I'm gunning for your kids. OUT OF THE ROAD!! BEEP! BEEP!

And don't get me started on these signs. It literally makes me want to speed up. Literally.

coat check? yes. but what about the child check?

Kids. Kids? Kids!

Don't get me wrong. I looooove kids! They're fun and annoying and smart and great and ... lots of things! What I don't understand is why must people bring their children E V E RY W H E R E. Yeah yeah I understand, that you don't have a baby sitter, or you can't afford one, or you just don't have the heart to give them up for adoption, or the guts to leave them at the mall all day.

But whyyyy must people bring their kids everywhere?

Families are great. I love mine. I love my friends. But other people's? Strangers? Get those little screaming-crying-rugrats away from me!

Camping two weekends ago, my friend and I (she has a child but didn't bring her) went to the mountains of Washington to get away. A ladies weekend. Fun times with lots of beer, sunshine, campfire and some dirt. Ya know? Quality time. And I understand that lots of people bring their kids camping, its a family activity. But we were literally SURROUNDED by children. There must have been every campsite with at least 2 children, some up to 4 or 5. And all between the ages of 3 and 9. Seemed that all the pubescent children had no desire to hang out in the wilderness with no cell reception.

But we could not get any quiet. No peace. No harmony. It was ridiculous! I know, I'm sort of bitching about something that we really can't do anything about... but can we?

Is it too much to ask for an 'adults only' section of the park? How about sections of a restaurant? Children? or Non? An airplane? Children? or Non?

Wouldn't that be heavenly?

I know, many of you are disagreeing, but I think it would bring a lot of peace and harmony to many adult minds.

I've chosen not to have children at this point in my life. I've mastered the extremely complex and elusive art of birth control. Why should my sanity be punished by others?

Just some food for thought.

serenity now serenity now serenity
now serenity now serenity now serenity now
serenity now serenity now