i'll run away with you

Today I was angry with my life,

and angry with my boyfriend.

So I ran away to the beach with my book for the day.

Although, its hard to not think about your boyfriend when the protagonist's boyfriend in your book has the same name as your fella. (Damn you Jen Lancaster!)

Here some of the pictures of my adventure.

"my big dick" and other analytical questions

"miss your Big Dick!"
was literally just yelled into the street by my neighbors, as I was typing this...

yeah, my "big dick" is not in question...

Reasons Google has sent people to my website;

The joy of Google Analytics:

• dear liver (well, obviously!!)
• serenity now insanity later  (duhhhhhhh!)
• will serenity kill you (good question!)
• mcgriddle pants blog  (I feel honored!!)
• serenity fucking (is this a "thing?!")
• serenity now hangover (someone after my own heart)

and of course...

• moms that fuck in a camper (Ughhhh... whaaaaa?!)

YAY ME!
Thanks google!
And thanks to my dear readers!
I love you all!
Honestly :)

kinda weird wordless wednesday

interview intention

I am officially the laziest unemployed person ever.

I had a job interview today.

It was a good job.

It was at a hippie market, opening in town in October.

I didn't go.

My first interview since being unemployed. (since last October!!!)

And I didn't go.

No, honestly this wasn't about laziness. I feel so irresponsible. But, when I was really honest with myself, I really didn't want this job. Irresponsible of me? Probably. I just really don't want another job in retail. Especially not customer service retail. Starting at the bottom of the totem pole.

"Do you have grocery experience?"

No, I don't.

"Would you be willing to start as a courtesy clerk? And work your way up?"

Uhhh... I guess so.

Well that was my original response. Is it too much to ask to not start at the beginning again? Yeah, I haven't worked in grocery, but I have worked as a retail MANGER for over 6 years. I can schmooze customers with the best of them. I have a college degree in BUSINESS MANAGEMENT for Christs sakes! But I have not worked in grocery. Is it too much to ask to not make minimum wage?

In this economy, maybe it is too much for me to ask. But I think I deserve something better. Don't I? I'm too talented to stand in one spot for 8 hours scanning groceries (if any of you do this for a living, please don't take it as an insult, its an admirable job, just really not for me). And maybe I'm just being selfish and lazy. Am I?

This whole job hunting sucks. But I know I just need to make some more money, or else I'll never be getting out of debt. I'll never be able to travel. I'll never be able to live without a roommate. And I also know that I will be running out of unemployment (even though I'm sure another extension is going to be approved). But I need to be part of the working class.

Maybe I'm just really lazy. Or picky. I don't know.

I guess it just didn't feel right. I feel okay about not getting this job. But I am disappointed in myself. Must be that type-A personality in me. Hmmmmm...

namaste.

Do you read McSweeney's? No? Well here you go!

My favorite is Lying Down Dog...

Modern Yoga Poses

- - - -

Smoking Break Sun Salutation

1. Stand tall outside your office building during break.

2. Position unlit cigarette between first and second fingers of right hand; grasp lighter in left hand.

3. Drop head forward until forehead touches knee

4. Extend arms forward, flicking lighter. Slowly rise, clasp hands together and light cigarette.

5. Place cigarette in mouth and inhale; cough on exhale

6. Focus on the release of tension attained through the power of totally organic nicotine.

Namaste.

- - -

 

Feisty Goat

1. In a private setting—bedroom, car, closet— drink lots of booze with your boss, your best friend's ex, or any other inappropriate romantic partner.

2. Play music with a loud, thumping base on stereo.

3. Hop onto your partner and begin wrapping and climbing movements.

4. Enjoy the stretching of your spine.

5. Use your rolled-up yoga mat creatively. You know what I mean.

6. Your breathing should be rough and shallow.

7. Tension? Trust me, you won't feel any.

Namaste.

- - -

 

Lying-Down Dog

1. Access a bag of Cheetos.

2. Lie flat on your back in bed with TV in viewing range.

3. Dim the lights.

4. Position the TV remote comfortably in the palm of your hand .

5. Place your rolled yoga mat comfortably under your pillow for extra softness.

6. Watch a reality television show or anything on the E! Network.

7. Munch Cheetos.

8. Visualize tension leaving your body and entering the body of an attractive TV commentator.

9. Your breathing should be a light snore.

10. If anyone tries to talk to you, firmly remind them that you are releasing toxic tension and must not be disturbed. If necessary, give them a Cheeto to make them go away.

Namaste.

- - -

Sad Fish

[NOTE: This yoga pose should be used only as a last resort, like after an animated "conversation" with your ex regarding money, or the morning after a Feisty Goat.]

1. Lock the bathroom door.

2. Insert earplugs.

3. Fill the tub.

4. Use your rolled-up yoga mat to wipe up puddles.

5. Crawl into tub.

6. Put on a snorkel.

7. Submerge completely.

8. Breathe deeply.

9. Tension in your throbbing temples might or might not go away, but there's nothing good on television so it's worth a shot.

10. Do not break this pose until you're goddamn good and ready.

Namaste. 

   

 

BY Sarah Flick

 for McSweeney's