This is crazy beautiful.
Her Morning Elegance.
Oren Lavie.
Must download.
Cheers!
The truth will set you free. But first it will piss you off.
Thursday, March 7
her morning elegance
This is crazy beautiful.
Her Morning Elegance.
Oren Lavie.
Must download.
Cheers!
Tuesday, February 19
I Do Not Wear a Green Apron
I've been in the coffee business for awhile now. I worked for two
years during college, and now that a college graduate, I work at another coffee shop (at least I'm MANAGING this one).
In general, I keep a smile on my face and an upbeat attitude, but after a particularly long day at work, I feel I need to rant and rave about proper coffee etiquette for those of you who need your caffeine fix.
First of all, I'm a pretty fast barista. So please don't tell me that you're in a hurry and I need to make your drink FAST. This will just make me move slower, because, what kind of idiot stops to get coffee when they're running late? Seriously.
Having said that I am super fast, I am human. And do make mistakes on occasion. *gasp!* I know it was my fault, and if you come back I will be more than happy to remake it for you and offer you a second drink. But if you act like a dick that I accidentally gave you drink 16oz instead of the 12oz, then that's just gonna piss me off, and make you look like a douche.
Although appreciated, I don't expect a tip every time, nor do I think it's necessary. I work in a college town, I understand where you're coming from and don't expect you to tip me. But when you rack up a $28 tab, and don't leave a tip, that's just rude. It takes me quite a while to crank those 7 drinks out, just as you ordered, or was illegibly written down on a post-it note from everyone in your office. It's even more rude when your company pays for your tab, and you still don't leave a tip. Would you spend $30 at a restaurant and not leave a tip? You would? Oh, well fuck you then.
We are not Starbucks. You are not at a Starbucks. Our 20oz drinks aren't called a "venti," so when you stroll in asking for a "venti" something, I want to shoot you. You're an idiot.
And on the Starbucks note... I understand that they are a huge corporation and are EVERYWHERE, but please don't realize that all coffee shops are the same as Starbucks. Please know what you're ordering. A Carmel Macchiato is a TRADEMARKED STARBUCKS DRINK. Legally, no one else can offer to make you one. Know that you're ordering a super sugary, caramel and vanilla latte with whipped cream and even more caramel. A true macchiato is a shot of espresso with some foam on top. If you order a caramel macchiato from me, and you're a douche about it, I'll make you a traditional one, and you'll be really, really confused. Do it. I dare you.
I consider myself well-educated. Please don't talk down to me because I am a barista. Don't just assume that everyone working at a coffee shop is an uneducated idiot, or a sorority girl. To be honest, there are four, yes, count them FOUR of us, who hold college degrees at our shop. The economy sucks. Don't treat me like I'm less than you because I'm gainfully employed at a job that just doesn't happen to be what I got my degree in.
SPEAK UP. I feel like the ass when I repeatedly have to ask: "I'm sorry, what did you say?" numerous times because you're too damn quiet. Its gonna be hard to get your Half-Caf- Soy- Mocha with Sugar Free Vanilla drink right, if I can't hear you order it.
Get off the phone when you're ordering food. You know, its a good idea in general to get off your fucking phone when interacting with ANYONE. Its just so rude.
I'm sure you can understand that me temporarily occupying the place behind this cash register does not make me "The Man". Please don't give me any attitude when I have to charge you 50 cents to use your credit card because your order is under seven dollars. Its not MY PERSONAL POLICY. Its the owner's. Feel free to have $1.65 on you if you don't like it. Oh, and we share a parking lot with two different banks, go there, or to the ATM machine. Same thing goes for trying to use a $100 bill at 8 am. No. I don't have $98 in big bills to change for that, surprise, surprise. Take your change in 5s and 1s and like it, or come prepared. (Who gets $100 bills from the bank anyway? Its just stupid).
It's two o'clock in the afternoon, I KNOW you don't have a job because you sit in here drinking coffee after coffee all day sketching in your super "artsy" sketchbook no matter what shift I am working. So don't fucking tap your impatient little toe at me if your shots pull a little fast and I make you a few new ones after adjusting my grind or my method of tamping. Go sit down, sharpen your pencils, and I will bring you your drink. Isn't that amazing? You see, cocksucker, although I may only be "barista-ing", I DO take pride in my work, and I DO want you to enjoy your non-bitter espresso, since I have to see you every single day. You should learn to appreciate that, and get a job so you can understand what it means to strive for better performance even though you make Dick-Balls an hour. It builds character. If you don't like character, there's a Starbucks down the block.
And Vegans, I could explain to you why dairy substitutes do not taste or behave like real dairy does from both a scientific standpoint, and a psychological one. But I will refrain from doing that, because like most professional, kind-hearted people, I admire your restraint, and I respect your choices, dietary and otherwise. So don't complain to me that your soy latte doesn't taste "right." I know it doesn't taste right, you punk-ass, it's made from SOY
And soy beans, although wonderful and nutritious, are not MILK. They are low in fat and oil, unlike milk, which is a complex substance bolstered by copious amounts of fat, and as we all know: fat equals flavor. That soy? It tastes as artificial as it is. Do not order a soy, almond or any other milk substitute cappuccino. If you truly know what a cappuccino is, you will know it contains a lot of foam. And milk substitutes DO NOT FOAM. They may bubble, but they do not make true, silky foam. You need fat and proteins for that, which your substitute milk does not have. Just order a latte, because you look stupid.
Please know, most of these things I never actually say at work, these are just the inner musings of my brain.
In caffeine we trust,
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/652h
 |
| Photo Credit : workinprowess.com |
In general, I keep a smile on my face and an upbeat attitude, but after a particularly long day at work, I feel I need to rant and rave about proper coffee etiquette for those of you who need your caffeine fix.
First of all, I'm a pretty fast barista. So please don't tell me that you're in a hurry and I need to make your drink FAST. This will just make me move slower, because, what kind of idiot stops to get coffee when they're running late? Seriously.
Having said that I am super fast, I am human. And do make mistakes on occasion. *gasp!* I know it was my fault, and if you come back I will be more than happy to remake it for you and offer you a second drink. But if you act like a dick that I accidentally gave you drink 16oz instead of the 12oz, then that's just gonna piss me off, and make you look like a douche.
Although appreciated, I don't expect a tip every time, nor do I think it's necessary. I work in a college town, I understand where you're coming from and don't expect you to tip me. But when you rack up a $28 tab, and don't leave a tip, that's just rude. It takes me quite a while to crank those 7 drinks out, just as you ordered, or was illegibly written down on a post-it note from everyone in your office. It's even more rude when your company pays for your tab, and you still don't leave a tip. Would you spend $30 at a restaurant and not leave a tip? You would? Oh, well fuck you then.
We are not Starbucks. You are not at a Starbucks. Our 20oz drinks aren't called a "venti," so when you stroll in asking for a "venti" something, I want to shoot you. You're an idiot.
And on the Starbucks note... I understand that they are a huge corporation and are EVERYWHERE, but please don't realize that all coffee shops are the same as Starbucks. Please know what you're ordering. A Carmel Macchiato is a TRADEMARKED STARBUCKS DRINK. Legally, no one else can offer to make you one. Know that you're ordering a super sugary, caramel and vanilla latte with whipped cream and even more caramel. A true macchiato is a shot of espresso with some foam on top. If you order a caramel macchiato from me, and you're a douche about it, I'll make you a traditional one, and you'll be really, really confused. Do it. I dare you.
I consider myself well-educated. Please don't talk down to me because I am a barista. Don't just assume that everyone working at a coffee shop is an uneducated idiot, or a sorority girl. To be honest, there are four, yes, count them FOUR of us, who hold college degrees at our shop. The economy sucks. Don't treat me like I'm less than you because I'm gainfully employed at a job that just doesn't happen to be what I got my degree in.
SPEAK UP. I feel like the ass when I repeatedly have to ask: "I'm sorry, what did you say?" numerous times because you're too damn quiet. Its gonna be hard to get your Half-Caf- Soy- Mocha with Sugar Free Vanilla drink right, if I can't hear you order it.
Get off the phone when you're ordering food. You know, its a good idea in general to get off your fucking phone when interacting with ANYONE. Its just so rude.
I'm sure you can understand that me temporarily occupying the place behind this cash register does not make me "The Man". Please don't give me any attitude when I have to charge you 50 cents to use your credit card because your order is under seven dollars. Its not MY PERSONAL POLICY. Its the owner's. Feel free to have $1.65 on you if you don't like it. Oh, and we share a parking lot with two different banks, go there, or to the ATM machine. Same thing goes for trying to use a $100 bill at 8 am. No. I don't have $98 in big bills to change for that, surprise, surprise. Take your change in 5s and 1s and like it, or come prepared. (Who gets $100 bills from the bank anyway? Its just stupid).
It's two o'clock in the afternoon, I KNOW you don't have a job because you sit in here drinking coffee after coffee all day sketching in your super "artsy" sketchbook no matter what shift I am working. So don't fucking tap your impatient little toe at me if your shots pull a little fast and I make you a few new ones after adjusting my grind or my method of tamping. Go sit down, sharpen your pencils, and I will bring you your drink. Isn't that amazing? You see, cocksucker, although I may only be "barista-ing", I DO take pride in my work, and I DO want you to enjoy your non-bitter espresso, since I have to see you every single day. You should learn to appreciate that, and get a job so you can understand what it means to strive for better performance even though you make Dick-Balls an hour. It builds character. If you don't like character, there's a Starbucks down the block.
And Vegans, I could explain to you why dairy substitutes do not taste or behave like real dairy does from both a scientific standpoint, and a psychological one. But I will refrain from doing that, because like most professional, kind-hearted people, I admire your restraint, and I respect your choices, dietary and otherwise. So don't complain to me that your soy latte doesn't taste "right." I know it doesn't taste right, you punk-ass, it's made from SOY
And soy beans, although wonderful and nutritious, are not MILK. They are low in fat and oil, unlike milk, which is a complex substance bolstered by copious amounts of fat, and as we all know: fat equals flavor. That soy? It tastes as artificial as it is. Do not order a soy, almond or any other milk substitute cappuccino. If you truly know what a cappuccino is, you will know it contains a lot of foam. And milk substitutes DO NOT FOAM. They may bubble, but they do not make true, silky foam. You need fat and proteins for that, which your substitute milk does not have. Just order a latte, because you look stupid.
Please know, most of these things I never actually say at work, these are just the inner musings of my brain.
In caffeine we trust,
McGriddle Pants
P.S. I may sound like a snob, I assure you I'm not as bad as these girls...http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/652h
Wednesday, January 30
kicking me when I'm down
Isn't it funny how when you're down, life always seems to find a way to kick you? And then again?
I have had the shittiest of almost all shitty weeks.
And its only Wednesday.
All of my seven followers (bless you for sticking with me here) probably read last week that I've been having friend problems. I know, I know, everyone has these problems. But it still sucks. And this is pretty much my journal, so you all get to read about my problems... no matter how trivial or repeated they may be.
Back to this week.
So Friday night I hit up happy hour with some of my book club ladies for some farewell drinks. You may remember one of our ladies is moving away. So a few hours roll by, and I make the brilliant of most brilliant decisions... and yada yada yada... well... Let's just say the police and I took a little ride together.
Seriously.
FUCK.
I'm still kicking myself, but trying to stay strong and deal with whatever comes my way with grace. I deserve what I deserve.
The crappiest part is that this is the second time I've done this... classy and brilliant I know... and may lose my license for three years.
So I've been freaking out about, MOSTLY, not being able to get to work. I work two jobs, in a town 22 miles away. There are no direct bus routes. And Mr. man work in a town in the opposite direction. Not to mention that I have to be AT WORK at 6 am, and he doesn't leave until 7:30... so yeah. Stress. All my fault and totally deserved stress, but still fucking stress.
THEN.
Oh you thought that was the punch line? Oh no, it gets better.
Monday, (yes two whole days later) I have to put my dog to sleep.
Yeah.
Fuck this shit.
My poor Murphy dog who, granted, is 15 years old, has not been doing well. Finally Sunday he decided he was done eating. I tried everything, wet food, people food, whatever. He wouldn't take it. Plus he wouldn't get up to eat, or go outside. I helped him get up against his will, he walked and go a drink of water and then slowly went and laid down again. Monday morning I had my mom check on his mid-morning when I was at work. She called and said he had fallen by the front door, couldn't get up, was crying and had peed himself. Poor poor baby. I knew it was time.
Of course, I found all this out at work.
I called the vet to make an appointment, during my shift WAITING TABLES, and she asks me, in the sweetest, softest, nicest voice possible, "So just to clarify, would like to make an appointment for a Euthenization?"
BURST. INTO. TEARS.
"Yes" I said, Trying to compose myself.
When I got home an hour later, he was there by the door. Clearly miserable. Clearly in pain. Clearly ready to go. I sat with him until my mom got there. He was shaking and just looking at me... with those "mom please help me it hurts" eyes. Ugghhh. I cried and tried to keep him comfortable.
That thirty minutes was probably the longest of my life. But it helped let me know that I was making the right decision. I still didn't want to get up, even when we carried him to the car... he really didn't fight.
I'll spare you the details of taking him into the vets office and staying with him through the whole ordeal... Which I'm totally glad I did, because I think it helped HIM more then it hurt me.
So yeah..... Shittest. Week. Ever.
I keep waiting for something else miserable to happen... They always come in threes... hit me life... HIT ME!
Honestly my only saving grace is that I'm heading to Las Vegas on Friday. (Thank God I was home for poor Murphy and this all didn't happen when I was gone.) I'm so looking forward to just getting away and NOT THINKING for a few days.
So yeah...
Upon my return, I'll be doing some serious personal reflection, and probably doing some revamping of my life.
I have had the shittiest of almost all shitty weeks.
And its only Wednesday.
All of my seven followers (bless you for sticking with me here) probably read last week that I've been having friend problems. I know, I know, everyone has these problems. But it still sucks. And this is pretty much my journal, so you all get to read about my problems... no matter how trivial or repeated they may be.
Back to this week.
So Friday night I hit up happy hour with some of my book club ladies for some farewell drinks. You may remember one of our ladies is moving away. So a few hours roll by, and I make the brilliant of most brilliant decisions... and yada yada yada... well... Let's just say the police and I took a little ride together.
Seriously.
FUCK.
I'm still kicking myself, but trying to stay strong and deal with whatever comes my way with grace. I deserve what I deserve.
The crappiest part is that this is the second time I've done this... classy and brilliant I know... and may lose my license for three years.
So I've been freaking out about, MOSTLY, not being able to get to work. I work two jobs, in a town 22 miles away. There are no direct bus routes. And Mr. man work in a town in the opposite direction. Not to mention that I have to be AT WORK at 6 am, and he doesn't leave until 7:30... so yeah. Stress. All my fault and totally deserved stress, but still fucking stress.
THEN.
Oh you thought that was the punch line? Oh no, it gets better.
Monday, (yes two whole days later) I have to put my dog to sleep.
Yeah.
Fuck this shit.
My poor Murphy dog who, granted, is 15 years old, has not been doing well. Finally Sunday he decided he was done eating. I tried everything, wet food, people food, whatever. He wouldn't take it. Plus he wouldn't get up to eat, or go outside. I helped him get up against his will, he walked and go a drink of water and then slowly went and laid down again. Monday morning I had my mom check on his mid-morning when I was at work. She called and said he had fallen by the front door, couldn't get up, was crying and had peed himself. Poor poor baby. I knew it was time.
Of course, I found all this out at work.
I called the vet to make an appointment, during my shift WAITING TABLES, and she asks me, in the sweetest, softest, nicest voice possible, "So just to clarify, would like to make an appointment for a Euthenization?"
BURST. INTO. TEARS.
"Yes" I said, Trying to compose myself.
When I got home an hour later, he was there by the door. Clearly miserable. Clearly in pain. Clearly ready to go. I sat with him until my mom got there. He was shaking and just looking at me... with those "mom please help me it hurts" eyes. Ugghhh. I cried and tried to keep him comfortable.
That thirty minutes was probably the longest of my life. But it helped let me know that I was making the right decision. I still didn't want to get up, even when we carried him to the car... he really didn't fight.
I'll spare you the details of taking him into the vets office and staying with him through the whole ordeal... Which I'm totally glad I did, because I think it helped HIM more then it hurt me.
So yeah..... Shittest. Week. Ever.
I keep waiting for something else miserable to happen... They always come in threes... hit me life... HIT ME!
Honestly my only saving grace is that I'm heading to Las Vegas on Friday. (Thank God I was home for poor Murphy and this all didn't happen when I was gone.) I'm so looking forward to just getting away and NOT THINKING for a few days.
So yeah...
Upon my return, I'll be doing some serious personal reflection, and probably doing some revamping of my life.
 |
| RIP old friend |
xoxo,
McGriddle Pants
Tuesday, January 22
friends. amis. fruenden.
Being a grown up is hard.
Really hard.
It seems that life loves to throw things at you when you least expect it. I'm sure we've all been there.
Personally life has been difficult for the last few years. I've relied on friends to get me through the rough times. But sometimes, friends just plain let you down. And it hurts.
One of my best friends moved her boyfriend in a few months back. And you guessed it, I've pretty much stopped hearing from her, ever. Maybe once and a while I'll get some random text, but rarely does she request to hang out. I feel like I'm always the initiator, which is exhausting. And frustrating.
I've also recently started becoming good friends with a gal from work. However she too has a boyfriend and is quite busy with him. You know, one of those who spends every waking moment with them, and pretty much never does anything on her own. Which is fine for them, but not so fine for me or a new friendship. Meanwhile she complains about not having any friends here. *stab*. And she always refers to me as her "manager", never as her "friend" *stab stab*. And she constantly talks about moving away. *stab stab stab* And of course she pretty only much talks about work stuff, never any life stuff or whatever, that real friends talk about.
And one of my good friends from book club is moving away.
*sigh*
Its times like these that make you realize how important having good friends are in your life. You rely on them for support and advice and spending your down time with. Not having a close friend in your life is really difficult. At least for me. I'm definitely a few-really-close-friends gal, rather than a lots-and-lots-of-casual-friends kinda gal.
So I find myself at an impass. Spending a lot of time alone. Contemplating my thoughts. Dealing with stresses on my own, which is really kind of difficult. I love spending time with my boyfriend, but I can't really vent to HIM about problems WE may be having. I can't discuss our sex life with HIM as frankly as I can with a girl friend who can offer feminine advice on the subject.
I miss having someone to call on no matter what. No matter what time of day or night. No matter the subject. No matter how rough her day has been. That close connection, where words are not necessary. 2093392 texts are passed through out the day. Endless of bottles of wine and stories shared.
Oh life.
Time to be strong and carry on.
Really hard.
It seems that life loves to throw things at you when you least expect it. I'm sure we've all been there.
Personally life has been difficult for the last few years. I've relied on friends to get me through the rough times. But sometimes, friends just plain let you down. And it hurts.
One of my best friends moved her boyfriend in a few months back. And you guessed it, I've pretty much stopped hearing from her, ever. Maybe once and a while I'll get some random text, but rarely does she request to hang out. I feel like I'm always the initiator, which is exhausting. And frustrating.
I've also recently started becoming good friends with a gal from work. However she too has a boyfriend and is quite busy with him. You know, one of those who spends every waking moment with them, and pretty much never does anything on her own. Which is fine for them, but not so fine for me or a new friendship. Meanwhile she complains about not having any friends here. *stab*. And she always refers to me as her "manager", never as her "friend" *stab stab*. And she constantly talks about moving away. *stab stab stab* And of course she pretty only much talks about work stuff, never any life stuff or whatever, that real friends talk about.
And one of my good friends from book club is moving away.
*sigh*
Its times like these that make you realize how important having good friends are in your life. You rely on them for support and advice and spending your down time with. Not having a close friend in your life is really difficult. At least for me. I'm definitely a few-really-close-friends gal, rather than a lots-and-lots-of-casual-friends kinda gal.
So I find myself at an impass. Spending a lot of time alone. Contemplating my thoughts. Dealing with stresses on my own, which is really kind of difficult. I love spending time with my boyfriend, but I can't really vent to HIM about problems WE may be having. I can't discuss our sex life with HIM as frankly as I can with a girl friend who can offer feminine advice on the subject.
I miss having someone to call on no matter what. No matter what time of day or night. No matter the subject. No matter how rough her day has been. That close connection, where words are not necessary. 2093392 texts are passed through out the day. Endless of bottles of wine and stories shared.
 |
| faded mornings via tumbler |
Oh life.
Time to be strong and carry on.
McGriddle Pants
Saturday, January 19
grammar
An exchange:
Cashier: Do you have a rewards card?
Me: Yup!
Cashier: Yes?
Me: Yup.
Cashier: YES.
Me: YUP.
Cashier: I always say "yes"
Me: Don't do that. It's obnoxious. The only person I let talk to me like that was my grandmother, and she's been dead for years.
...silence...
*transaction ends*
Me: *Big smile, bug eyes* THANK YOU!!
Exit stage left.
And I leave you with ...
Cashier: Do you have a rewards card?
Me: Yup!
Cashier: Yes?
Me: Yup.
Cashier: YES.
Me: YUP.
Cashier: I always say "yes"
Me: Don't do that. It's obnoxious. The only person I let talk to me like that was my grandmother, and she's been dead for years.
...silence...
*transaction ends*
Me: *Big smile, bug eyes* THANK YOU!!
Exit stage left.
And I leave you with ...
 |
| random picture of my brother on his last birthday ~ 7pm |
XOXO McGriddle Pants
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