Really hard.
It seems that life loves to throw things at you when you least expect it. I'm sure we've all been there.
Personally life has been difficult for the last few years. I've relied on friends to get me through the rough times. But sometimes, friends just plain let you down. And it hurts.
One of my best friends moved her boyfriend in a few months back. And you guessed it, I've pretty much stopped hearing from her, ever. Maybe once and a while I'll get some random text, but rarely does she request to hang out. I feel like I'm always the initiator, which is exhausting. And frustrating.
I've also recently started becoming good friends with a gal from work. However she too has a boyfriend and is quite busy with him. You know, one of those who spends every waking moment with them, and pretty much never does anything on her own. Which is fine for them, but not so fine for me or a new friendship. Meanwhile she complains about not having any friends here. *stab*. And she always refers to me as her "manager", never as her "friend" *stab stab*. And she constantly talks about moving away. *stab stab stab* And of course she pretty only much talks about work stuff, never any life stuff or whatever, that real friends talk about.
And one of my good friends from book club is moving away.
*sigh*
Its times like these that make you realize how important having good friends are in your life. You rely on them for support and advice and spending your down time with. Not having a close friend in your life is really difficult. At least for me. I'm definitely a few-really-close-friends gal, rather than a lots-and-lots-of-casual-friends kinda gal.
So I find myself at an impass. Spending a lot of time alone. Contemplating my thoughts. Dealing with stresses on my own, which is really kind of difficult. I love spending time with my boyfriend, but I can't really vent to HIM about problems WE may be having. I can't discuss our sex life with HIM as frankly as I can with a girl friend who can offer feminine advice on the subject.
I miss having someone to call on no matter what. No matter what time of day or night. No matter the subject. No matter how rough her day has been. That close connection, where words are not necessary. 2093392 texts are passed through out the day. Endless of bottles of wine and stories shared.
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| faded mornings via tumbler |
Oh life.
Time to be strong and carry on.
2 comments:
God, I've felt like this a million times. Hang in there. I'll be your friend! :)
I feel the same way...all my friends here are married 60% with kids, 40% without...but that means I am alone more than I'd like. It is really hard to find that great group of friends when you feel like you don't fit in anywhere.
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