ch- ch- ch- chia!

Item numero dos that I don't want for Christmas. President head chia pets. And only $18.95!!! What a bargain! Washington? Check. Lincoln? Check. Obama? Check. And of course lady liberty herself.

Oh-- and I walked by my not-so-dream present of the last supper. I got the price wrong. Its FOUR HUNDRED EIGHTY FUCKING DOLLARS!

run run as fast as you can..

93 cookies! 2 pounds of powdered sugar.. 4 shades of food coloring.. 2 bottles of sprinkles.. 5 mugs of eggnog with bourbon.. One glass of red wine.. One bratwust with mustard.. And a partridge in a pear tree!!

its the gift that keeps on giving

Number one on the list of things I don't want for Christmas...

this (ever so lovely) 2x4' stained glass rendering of the last supper. For the low, low price of $480. Don't get me wrong, I do feel like a better Christian looking at it, and probably would be a better one for owning it. But I think someone else is truly deserving of this great work of *cough* art.

Do people actually buy this stuff? Wait-- No-- I take that back... of course they do. Probably the same people who buy Princess Diana memorabilia or those weird President Obama commemorative plates.

I'm thinking of buying myself a massage. Now THAT'S the gift that keeps on giving.

my unconquerable soul

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

~William Ernest Henley

I love those last two lines. I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul. Ever since I saw the Invictus Movie trailer I've been digging the poem. And the movie as well. And now of course I'm digging this:

It is numero uno on my Christmas list.

You have officially been dugged.

outta the road junior

Maybe its just me, but I hate school zones.

Forgive me if you have children and are truly offended by these words. But I've yet to get grace this world with a mini-me, so let me rant.

How does this make sense? The entire school yard is surrounded by fencing. Chain link fencing. And sometimes theres some sort of barb wire at the top, so i'm sure these little monsters aren't getting out that easily. So whyyy is it that we have to drive TWENTY FUCKING MPH when we pass the school? Not only do they have to hop the damn fence to get into the street, but shouldn't we be, I don't know say, teaching our kids to not play in the road?

Hey tommy. Cars are fast. And heavy. You are not that fast. You will lose. Get out of the street.

Pretty simple wouldn't you say?

The thing that makes me the most irritated is when the school zone isn't ever NEAR the school. Its something like four blocks away, but heaven forbid Jr. wants to use a cross walk on the way home and if you're in the same zip code from 8am to 4pm you have to SLAM on your breaks just in case you see a youngster.

Maybe we should be weeding out the stupid and slow anyway. Perhaps deepen up the gene pool a bit? Ya, watch out, I'm gunning for your kids. OUT OF THE ROAD!! BEEP! BEEP!

And don't get me started on these signs. It literally makes me want to speed up. Literally.