There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this. Ever.
I think obituaries would be much more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I honestly can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Seriously, how the hell do you fold a fitted sheet?
I would rather carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags of groceries in each hand than take 2 trips into the house.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear you computer history if you die.
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Jeans? Jeans never get dirty.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection... again.
I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Bud Light than Kay.
Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
Google Maps really needs an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea hat was going on when I first saw it.
Have I missed anything?