Monday, April 15

thirty-five

I'm turning 35 this year.

This of course begets the, "What am I doing with my life?", "Am I happy?", "Why the hell am I still friends with this person?", thoughts.

This is the thing: When you hit 28 or 30, everything begins to divide.

You can see very clearly two kinds of people.

On one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find themselves and their dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults.

Then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. … they mean to develop intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than when they graduated.

I don't want to be like that. Don’t be like that.

I feel like I'm stuck. Don’t get stuck.

I work with a dear, sweet wonderful woman, who forgets to live today. She lives in yesterday and tomorrow simultaneously. She refuses to "grow roots" because she knows shes moving in a few months. It makes me sad because I feel like shes not giving me a chance to be her friend. I have to remind myself that its her loss. Making herself unhappy because she misses people of yesterday, but never looking at today because all she can think about is tomorrow.

I don't want to live like that.

Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. This is what I feel like I need to do. But what? But how?

There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. I feel like I'm in the inbetween.

This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal. I'm asking myself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?” Now is the time.

Walk closely with people you love, and with people who believe life is a grand adventure. This is a big one.

Trying SO HARD to not get stuck in the past, and not try to fast-forward myself into a future I haven’t yet earned.

I try to constantly remind myself life is a journey, not a destination. Try to give today all the love and intensity and courage I can. Think positive. Plan, but not forget about today. This moment. This now.

Do small things. Do big things. Do the things that make me happy. That make me move to where I want to be, but not forget where I am right now.

Today is a gift. Not everyone gets a tomorrow.

xoxo, McGriddle Pants

4 comments:

Baby Sister said...

I loved this. So beautifully written. Thank you for the reminder.

Kelly @ turned UP to ELEVEN! said...

I really think we all need to remind ourselves of this. I'm trying really hard to live in the moment, and to not count days spent on the porch as just "dull days' but cherish them. You won't get them back, but only long for them. I'm trying to enjoy each and ever quite moment I have, I know soon I'll have kids and I really need to remember the times when we had silence :)

Eric Arndt said...

This was very good! I think I might be in almost the exact same position as you right now...maybe its a 34 yr old thing? I really think that if you are contemplating your life, and changes you want to make, like you have in this blog then you are already ahead of the game in regards to making the changes that will be good for you. Most people are in denial, or just can't realize what is going on and what they may be wasting.

This was thoughtful and well written. If someone like you (and I hope me) who is intelligent and can communicate thoughts like you just have, can't get where they want in life then there would be no hope for any of us. But there is, so I am positive it will all work out for us! :)

Shelly said...

Happy Birthday!

I really liked this post...Like a lot.

I turn 28 this year and I can hear everything you're saying. Especially with regards to people living in the past.

Don't get me wrong, I like to have myself a good time now and then, but sometimes when I run into people from high school or college (first round), I'm just confused. They're exactly the same.