Wednesday, February 16

i hate you walmart... a poem

Oh, how I hate you walmart.
I hate your stupid parking lot, and how it takes 47 minutes to get out of it.
I hate your white trash customers.
I hate that I always see someone from high school when I go inside.
I hate those fat people who use those scooters. I see fatter people on Biggest Loser working out. Don't you think you could walk around to pick up your Doritos and chocolate milk?
I hate that those fatties on scooters are like people with strollers, they ignore you, and cut you off, and nearly run you over every time.
I hate that you've put patio furniture and barbecues out in February.
I hate how your self check out YELLS AT ME. Are all your customers hard of hearing?!
I hate that most of your staff are giant assholes. Or idiots. Or both.
I hate that everything they carry contains high fructose corn syrup. Really? In my mustard? Really? Not necessary, thanks.
I hate that you are the only store in town for me to buy laundry detergent.
I hate that they tore down the drive-in theater to build that monstrosity of a store.
I miss the drive-in.


12 comments:

Jeff said...

Hooray to you for posting what so many think :-)

Ashton King said...

This sparked an interesting conversation about self checkouts in my newsroom.

The general consensus? We all hate them.

Ed said...

Love this!

Baby Sister said...

Seriously? They tore down a drive-in for Wallie World? That is so not cool.

"Seattle" Heather said...

Amen sista!

A Beer for the Shower said...

I share your hatred of all things Wal-Mart. However, nothing like walking into one at almost any time of day and realizing you're the best looking person there by default. Pick me up, right?

Lisa said...

If you hadn't already heard of it, you need to go to www.peopleofwalmart.com. If nothing else, it's good for a giggle and self-esteem boost!

shellytalks said...

haha! I took Nick into Walmart a couple weeks ago and I thought he was going to have a panic attack. He hates that place sooooo haaarrrrd!

badheadday said...

I hate that there was a perfectly horrible Walmart right next door to the drive-in that they tore down. Bloody whorefaces!

Salt said...

I won't go to WalMart for pretty much every reason you listed and also because I feel somewhat uncomfortable shopping in a store where I can buy meat and pants in the same trip.

Haley said...

Ha, this made me LOL. Too funny!

New follower :)
Thedivabee.blogspot.com

Kelly @ turned UP to ELEVEN! said...

I am late to this hate party but I feel you 100%. It's been well over a year since we've shopped at Walmart then I broke the cycle of awesomeness to purchase some make-up.

I don't miss it, and I hate that place.

We currently live in a town that is going to have not one, but three... THREE FREAKING WALMARTS! And there is another one right over the river. There is no blessed reason to have 3 walmarts in one town!

Just call my home "Walmart, Alabama"