an update, some self-loathing and a little freaking out

My unemployment runs out in 3 weeks.

3 weeks!!

And I've been applying for jobs. Lots of jobs. Jobs I'm qualified to do. Jobs I'd be good at. Jobs I want to do..

In the mean time, I've gotten no calls. NONE.

So I'm really really really really starting to freak out. Like crying, hyperventilating, pacing, having-to-take-deep-breaths-and-drink-peppermint-tea-to-calm-the-fuck-down freaking out.

I'm starting to not spend any money and starting to sell my shit on line, just in case. I have no idea when more money will come in again. I will probably qualify for a "new" claim, but that will only be $150 a week, which honestly is pennies. And doesn't even cover my loan (which is co-signed by my mom and the only credit bill I'm current on), power bill and car insurance. This isn't counting cell phone, internet and heat.

So I'm starting to look for ANY kind of work. Like part-time, waitressing, whatthefuckever I can find. I applied at Staples as a cashier. I applied at Home Depot. I'm going to have to start showing up at coffee shops, restaurants and bars asking if they're hiring. Ugghhh. I hate to do that. They hate it when people do that. I have a college degree, and I can't find a job. Its so ridiculous!!! I feel like such a loser, loser, McLoser Pants.

As you know I re-applied for my old job. They called me last week to confirm that I was mobile. Of course I'm mobile! Yes!! A few days ago I emailed a current employee, who also quit and came back, about her experience. She said it took quite a while, from June to September, before she actually came back. I've also emailed old co-workers and supervisors to let them know I'm trying to come back. They all said they'd put a good word in for me. So it sounds like things sound like they're moving along, but slowly. And I still have to survive either way.

And to top it all off -- I had to replace my radiator this weekend. Luckily Mr. Man found one online for only $75 and installed it for me. SCORE! But, while he was "in there" he heard and saw some stuff that needs to be addressed soon. Like, will have to take-the-entire-motor-out to fix it, problem. And should-have-been-done-yesterday urgent. Great. I asked him if it would be worth it to fix it, or just sell my car and not have to deal with it. He said it'd probably be best to sell it. *sigh*

Well that's it. Life is pretty shitty now.

So today, I'm going to get a pedicure, a gift from Mr. Man for VDay. Then wash my car, and take some pictures to put it up on Craigslist. And finally, read my book club book (two days to finish) in the sunshine! Its actually sunny today. 45 degrees, but still sunny! I'm hoping a dose of vitamin D will make me feel better and perk up my spirits.

Happy thoughts!