Friday, April 16

mom to the rescue




There's a mother fucking snake in my house!!
Not on the plane! IN MY HOUSE!!
I am sick and tired of all these mother fucking snakes in my mother fucking house!!

10:37 AM

me: THERE IS A FUCKING SNAKE IN MY KITCHEN!
10:43 AM Denise: OMG.
OMG
HMM. stand up on something?
me: Its under the stove
Denise: well, stop typing
me: scared the SHIT out of me
im watching the stove
Denise: i cant even imagine.
me: its in there
i called my landlord
Denise: oh good
me: she's like "oh its harmless"
"it'll leave"
Denise: LOL
me: i'm like I WANT IT OUT NOW
she's like "oh i dont know what i can do"
are you fucking shitting me?!?
Denise: key is to find out where it came from so you can patch that whole
call pest control?
me: i was like how the fuck did it get in here?
Denise: a whole
me: i live in the country, they're everywhere
Denise: a vent
me: OUTSIDE everywhere
Denise: my sister had one a few years ago in NC
10:45 AM me: ive never had one in my house before
Denise: came in throguh the stove vent
me: wow
fucking nuts
Denise: or air conditiong - i dont remember
me: i just talked to my friend about living with her this morning too
NOW I HAVE A REASON TO LEAVE
there's a snake in my apartment!!!!!
i have to move.
Denise: good thing it is still early so you dont have to sleep with it.
me: NO SHIT
i wouldn't sleep
10:46 AM Denise: roommate might be nice.
10:47 AM me: i can't believe my landlord isn't even going to come over and help
she was like "you sound upset"
i was like OBVIOUSLY
10:48 AM Denise: LMAO. sorry, i cant believe she would react like that.
me: yeah
Denise: i didnt sleep in my apt for days when i found a HUGE FURRY CATEPILLLER (10 years ago)
me: hahahahaa
Denise: it was HUGE, and maybe it wasnt a catepiller. idk
10:49 AM i would call pest control
they can bait it out or move the stove out or soemthing. then give the LL your bill
10:51 AM me: its coming out
i opened the door
Denise: oh smart. good thinking.
10:57 AM Denise: did it go out????
me: no, back under the stove
fuck. fuck. fuck
11:33 AM me: my mom's coming over
11:34 AM Denise: oh nice. smart, she will know what to do



epilogue:
Mom came over, and we COULDN'T FIND IT! Good Lord. We searched around, found a gap under the cabinets, that he probably got out, near the pipe for the sink. I hope he has a good life.
just NOT IN MY FUCKING HOUSE!

8 comments:

Mrs. Beer said...

YUCK!!

Ed said...

That was just a baby gardener snake. Don't be such a girl.

"Seattle" Heather said...

Gardener snakes don't bother me. It's those mother fucker spiders with giant harry balls you can see that need to be killed.

denise said...

I am honored I made it onto your blog! I am glad your snake is out & you can sleep safe & sound :)

Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic said...

Holy Crap! I would have crapped myself. Shame on your landlord for not handling this!!!

We have a cat that keeps getting under our house (crawl space) and it's driving us nuts but I'd gladly take a stray cat over a snake anyday!!!

Cathy said...

I would have ran out of there screaming. For real. Snakes are evil. NO way would I have slept there that night. I am a wuss.

Meghan said...

Oh my gosh, I just got the chills when I saw that pic! UGH! I hope you find it soon and it leaves forever!

And moms always know what to do!

Wicked Shawn said...

Worst. Landlord. Evah!