Thursday, July 1

its july already?! 18 days until my birthday!

*Disclaimer: This post is heavy in melancholy, whining, and general feeling sorry for myself. You've been warned.*
 
Happy July! Good Christ, I can't believe its July already.

I wish I could be thinking about this weekend. Thinking about camping, and playing on the lake, in the boat. Thinking about bbqing and drinking and fireworks. But unfortunately I'm not.

All I can think about is that I haven't stayed at the boyfriend's place in almost 3 weeks. That he's slowly but surely pulling away from me, spending less and less time together.

When I finally worked up the courage to ask him if "we" were okay, or if there was anything going on that I needed to be aware of, any issues, he said no. I try to take solace in that. But its just hard to ignore all the non-verbal signs. We still hang out, although not every night like we used to. Maybe 2 times a week. He still texts, but not as much, he still calls, but not as much. Its just weird.

I try to take mom and friend's advice and "busy myself" which is incredibly hard to do when you're unemployed. Not to mention the fact that even when I'm "busy" I have the multi-tasking feminine mind that can obsess about men and be working, or reading, or watching a movie all at the same time. Goddammit. I've always wished for the simplicity (and don't be angry boys, I think its a blessing) of the one track mind that most men seem to have. "I'm working, working working. Working, working, working. Lunch, work work work. Oh wait, its been 3 days, and I haven't called my girlfriend." Well, maybe not quite that bad, but you get the point.

I painted my toenails a festive red for the 4th of July. Decided I hated it cause I messed up too much and now I have one painted foot, and one not painted. Nice.

I actually read ONE WHOLE BOOK the other day, "busying" myself. (Sarah Silverman's Bedwetter. Quiet entertaining actually) I even started another and read nearly half!! I have a serious case of too much time on my hands.

Don't get me wrong. I'm very good at hiding my internal freak outs from the boyfriend. I freak out to mom and friends... asking "what does this mean?" "he said this, how should I respond?" blah blah blah. Honestly I give him a LOT of space, so don't think that I'm crowding him or anything.

I just hope he's going through something that honestly doesn't have anything to do with me. And yet, I think to myself, his actions ARE affecting me, and therefore now concern me. *sigh* I just wish we (men and women) thought more alike. What a joke that we are paired the way we are, in the natural world, being so dissimilar! Funny, and yet sad.

I guess today its just particuarly worse that the last couple of days. Nothing particular has happened between US that would cause something new. As far as I know we're still planning on spending the weekend together.

Soooooo, now I'm busying myself. I got a hair cut today. I don't know if I like it... its a little blunt on the ends... whatever!! At least its all soft and has that "just went to the salon" smell!
 Ignore the bags... I've had a rough week.

If you're still reading, thanks for getting through this with me. I wish my life was always fun and funny, so I could entertain you always!! But this is my blog, and that's just not me.

Word.

10 comments:

MrsCaptKerk said...

Sorry you're in a funk :(

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

The new hair cut = hubba hubba!

Salt said...

I want to give you a big old internet hug right now. You don't need to be all kittens and sparkles all the time for me to still heart you and your blog. I hope that everything works out and you have a good weekend. :)

Oh and your hair looks fab! I love it!

Meghan said...

Your hair does look amazing! I love the "fresh from the salon" feeling.

I hope the situation with the boy gets better for you - and I hope he knows how lucky he is!

Crazy Brunette said...

Word!

:(

I'm sorry chick. It's okay, Mr. CB and I would NEVER hang out if the big screen wasn't in the same room as my computer...

Maybe he's feeling insecure too...

Keep me posted hoe. Let me know if we need to "take him out" wink*wink*...

Lisa said...

I think your hair is super cute! As for the boyfriend thing, I'm really sorry about the stress it's causing you. Who knows? It could just be that he's got something odd going on with family/work/whatever and does that weird guy thing where they hide instead of talking. I hope everything works out for the best!

Cathy said...

I just got a haircut yesterday too! And what is up with that boyfriend of yours? Do you need me to come kick his ass??

The Girly Tomboy said...

Sometimes they are distancing themselves because they're ready to bolt. But sometimes they're doing it because they're evaluating your relationship and planning the next step. Many, if not most, of my guy friends do this in relationships. They take one step back, re-evaluate, then take two steps forward. Unfortunately, there is no way of knowing which scenario is true until he decides to tell you.

Also, I love the haircut. And if you mess up on your toenails and get polish on your skin, don't worry - a shower will get all the polish off your skin and leave your toenails looking like you had them done at a salon. And last, it's your blog, so write about what you want - and I for one like to read both happy and not so happy posts - because that's real life! :)

qandlequeen said...

Your birthday is in July??? You are not allowed to be in a funk during your birthday month! See I'm a July birthday person too and I make it allllllllll about me. Nobody complies, but it's fun making everyone think you're a delusional self centered bitch. Seriously, start talking about your birthday MONTH. Make people be nice to you because, after all, it's your birthday month.

I'm not asking you to follow me, but on the 28th (my birthday) I'm doing a birthday blog hop. Hope you join in.

And seriously, I hope things start looking up. Men suck.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONTH!

aladdinsane12 said...

it's always scary when things suddenly change in a relationship. i think you just need to sit him down and just be straightforward and honest with him and find out what's up. it could be that he's just busier than usual. you never know. hope everything works out and i love your hair!