Hey kiddies. NEW LAYOUT!! WOOOOO!
I'm sorry I've been less-than-awesome lately. In an attempt to post something but not being able to think of anything, I've changed my layout. I've been trying so hard to think of something wonderful to post, but my personal life has been basically an internal shit-storm, mostly of my own creation, but nevertheless...
Happy 200th Post to me! I've been thinking about posting for a few days now, but was thinking that my 200th should be something awesome. Amazing. Truly Earth-shattering. But alas, I'm not sure if this will please you or not... but here goes.
The End of an Era:
My bestest friend in the world is a lovely gal named Ester. We met during my summer abroad in Germany. She was exactly what I needed at that point in my life. A super amazing best friend. Someone who listened, was incredibly wise beyond her years, sweet, caring, and beyond awesome. We were closer than sisters, sharing everything, from future careers, men, what we wanted out of life and growing old. We each knew we'd end up growing old together, in some form or another.
During our time abroad, we shared everything. She an Italian born, Canadian resident, and I an Oregon born, Oregonian. We traveled to every place imaginable, Prague, Paris, Florence, Frankfurt, Wurtzburg, Sienna, Pisa, and Spain. We shared so many amazing travel adventures I wouldn't even know where to begin...
I was having a very difficult time at the end of our study abroad. I was madly in love with a friend of ours, Robert. Rob and I had a whirlwind romance, that lasted for almost 2 years after our time together in Germany. To date, we are still very good friends, but have come to grips with the ups and downs of every day life, and realized what was actually possible out of our relationship. So we are great, great friends. But you know who was there for me for those 2 years of ups and downs? Yup, Ester.
We spent every spare minute emailing each other, facebooking, calling, emailing, emailing, calling, emailing and visiting each other. I went to Canada 3 times visiting herseeing the sights of Toronto. She visited me three times in New York City when I was living there. We were still so close, not letting distance come between us.
Long story short, my dear Ester met a man. Or so I "heard." She had basically dropped off the face of the earth for nearly 13 months. A few short emails here, short phone calls there, and she was now engaged. Oh, did I mention that she had been engaged for a week?!? Yeah. Thanks for the update "friend." We chatted about him, her, them and upcoming plans. I was truly happy for them, but was sad I wasn't her "first" call. We were best friends... right?!
Cut to now. Yeah. Another 6 months. She's texted me once to tell me when she's set the date for. July 31st. Also the same date as another friend of mine's wedding. I asked her what she needed me to do for the wedding... the basic who/what/when/where I'd need to be to help. She never responded.
Its now 5 weeks out from her wedding. I'm beginning to think I'm not even invited to the wedding, let alone be in the wedding. My mom tries to tell me I've done nothing wrong. She's made her choice. I've emailed and emailed and emailed, and called and texted and called. All with no response. Its so incredibly hard to not take this personally. What did I do? Did I not do? I cry at least once a week over the whole thing.
So this week, in an attempt at closure... I've bought a wedding present and sent it away. Some really cute salad tongs, that are hand made in Oregon. The card said "Wish I could be there for your big day" blah blah blah, since now its way too close for me to pop for a plane ticket to Toronto. I really wish them both happiness, but it is extremely bitter sweet. I wish I could be there. I miss my friend so much you'll never know.
I'm done. I will never forget about my friend, but I'm done. I may still cry every night, especially the night of her wedding. My little Ester. It breaks my heart to not be there for her. For her to not want me to be there for her. I guess we all make our choices in life. I just wish they didn't all have to hurt so much.
Such is my life. Fun times, no? So that was then, and this is now. I just wish I knew, why? But I'll probably never know why. I guess I can hope, back in my heart of hearts, that she someday comes back to me. But I'm not going to hold my breath. I will hold her in my heart forever. Maybe someday, when we're old and gray, widows, we'll find each other, and maybe end our lives together by the sea shore in Spain. And maybe not. A girl can dream, can't she?