It was very kind of you to notice me walk in and not acknowledge me as I looked for a place to sit. After I sat, you kindly walked right past and still said nothing. After you chatted with your friend sitting at the bar, you promptly noticed the two nice looking young men who came in and sat down. I appreciate that you A) were wearing those ugly sketchers shoes and have low self esteem, and that B) your hair was so bleached blond you have probably dyed any intelligence away, but I still feel that I am a valued customer. After I sat there for at least ten minutes I am happy that you brought me a menu, and when I asked for a beer, you asked for my ID and walked a way like it was going to take me twenty minutes to get it out. Let me assure you my dear, it did not. It again was so kind of you to get those gentlemen's drink orders, bring them their drinks, then come by to check my ID, and take their food orders, bring them their salads ALL BEFORE I GOT MY GOD DAMN BEER. Now, I am sure that you think their time is either more valuable than mine, or that they will tip you better. But it seems pretty short sided of you to assume that either is correct. I would have been a great tipper. *please note the past-tense* Thank you for finally bringing my beer, and before I could catch your eye, walk off to another table. I know, I know, not everyone orders food in a bar, but you'd think that since I read the menu while you were floating around you might have assumed I was hungry, which I was. You my dear, are the kind of waitress that I want to slap.
Now why didn't I think of something clever like this?
I'm not sure if you think you're awesome, or if you're just so oblivious to even notice anyone of the feminine sex in your establishment. Again, finally, thank you for finally taking my order, and bringing my food out. Oh, it was so nice that those men finished and left a good 5 minutes before I even got my food order. Why didn't I get up and leave? Good question. I wanted to see if you really were for real or not. And indeed you are. I want to thank you. Thank you for being so awful. I will never eat at your place of business again. Unless I'm with my boyfriend, upon which I can expect to get immediate, fast, friendly service, you bitch.
Peace, Love and Happiness,