Thursday, June 24

dear waitress

Dear Waitress,

It was very kind of you to notice me walk in and not acknowledge me as I looked for a place to sit. After I sat, you kindly walked right past and still said nothing. After you chatted with your friend sitting at the bar, you promptly noticed the two nice looking young men who came in and sat down. I appreciate that you A) were wearing those ugly sketchers shoes and have low self esteem, and that B) your hair was so bleached blond you have probably dyed any intelligence away, but I still feel that I am a valued customer. After I sat there for at least ten minutes I am happy that you brought me a menu, and when I asked for a beer, you asked for my ID and walked a way like it was going to take me twenty minutes to get it out. Let me assure you my dear, it did not. It again was so kind of you to get those gentlemen's drink orders, bring them their drinks, then come by to check my ID, and take their food orders, bring them their salads ALL BEFORE I GOT MY GOD DAMN BEER. Now, I am sure that you think their time is either more valuable than mine, or that they will tip you better.  But it seems pretty short sided of you to assume that either is correct. I would have been a great tipper. *please note the past-tense* Thank you for finally bringing my beer, and before I could catch your eye, walk off to another table. I know, I know, not everyone orders food  in a bar, but you'd think that since I read the menu while you were floating around you might have assumed I was hungry, which I was. You my dear, are the kind of waitress that I want to slap.

Now why didn't I think of something clever like this?

I'm not sure if you think you're awesome, or if you're just so oblivious to even notice anyone of the feminine sex in your establishment. Again, finally, thank you for finally taking my order, and bringing my food out. Oh, it was so nice that  those men finished and left a good 5 minutes before I even got my food order. Why didn't I get up and leave? Good question. I wanted to see if you really were for real or not. And indeed you are. I want to thank you. Thank you for being so awful. I will never eat at your place of business again. Unless I'm with my boyfriend, upon which I can expect to get immediate, fast, friendly service, you bitch.

Peace, Love and Happiness,

12 comments:

Mary Ann said...

OMG I hate that shit! Your post was pretty hilarious though, even though I know you must've been pissed. I've seen that ketchup table message picture before and it always cracks me up.

I came over from the Lady Bloggers Tea Party btw... Ima go check out the rest of your blog! :)

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

There is nothing worse than bad wait staff. I would not have taken her crap. I would have walked out.

"Seattle" Heather said...

Guess what McGrid, I got a comment that my Blog was found on Lady Bloggers Tea Party. So I went there to check it out...and guess who I found, Not me...but I found you there! LOL Congrats we're infamous now! LMAO!

One Blonde Girl said...

In my experience as a waitress, pleasing your female customers is TOP PRIORITY! Men are easy. Let's be honest, women can be... difficult. Not that I'm saying you were difficult, which you obviously weren't. Sorry you had such an unpleasant experience. That sucks.

Cathy said...

Inexcusable! I would have complained to management. Or not. I'm a wuss like that.

P.S Pioneer woman is having a giveaway...a Nikon D90 and Photoshop! Check it out. http://thepioneerwoman.com/photography/

Salt said...

I just laughed my ass off at that last line. Not just because it's funny, but because it's all so true. Stupid hoar.

Next time something like this happens to me, I'm totally busting out some ketchup and mustard artwork like that picture above.

That Ain't Kosher said...

HAHA! I once waited so long for my check that I pulled the dine-and-dash. That was like a year ago and she probably still thinks I'm taking the longest pee ever.

BTW, I've been waiting forever for you to add me to your blogroll, so thanks for getting on that.

Sarah xo said...

Haaa I feel your pain. This often happens. Why do women only want to serve men? Agh. My friend was just talking about this other day. A lady sales assistance only accepted the student ID of her boyfriend but not hers. For no DAMN reason. Sigh.

p.s. I nominated you for an award! xo

Stacie's Madness said...

did you give her a penny tip?

denise said...

I am going to remember to write in ketchup the next time I have an unacceptable wait time.

Ashton King said...

I'm new to your blog and so far I'm loving what I see! That ketchup idea is something my boyfriend would like. He likes to show out in restaurants apparently.

Faux Trixie said...

This totally f-ing happened to me this weekend in Vegas. I was at the "exclusive" pool and our waitress would NOT come back to us because we weren't high rollers. F-U Jessie, and your ugly tattoos.